Turning Goals into Reality

“The compass points you true north but does not warn you of obstacles and swamps along the way.”

–Abraham Lincoln played by Daniel Day Lewis in Lincoln 2012

2013 is less than one day away, and with it many of you are resolving to accomplish one or more goals while some may have chosen to forfeit the tradition entirely. In my experience, simply following a tradition because everyone else is doing it is not a reason to do anything, but when the tradition is aimed at helping to improve the quality of one’s life, why not make the most of such an opportunity?

While at first glance, the key to successfully attaining the goals written out during this time of year (aka resolutions) may appear to be to ascertain a route that doesn’t involve becoming frustrated and disheartened which often causes one to throw one’s hands up in the air in defeat, I would argue that the most important key is something entirely different.

During the past weekend, I was able to finally view Steven Spielberg’s film Lincoln, starring Daniel Day Lewis as Abraham Lincoln (as many already know as you may follow me on twitter and instagram).  Focused primarily  on the few weeks in January 1865,  Lincoln is resolutely determined to pass the 13th amendment to abolish slavery before the Civil War comes to an end as the opportunity was believed would be lost to garner enough votes in Congress.

Midway through the film, Lincoln has a private conversation with representative Thaddeus Stevens who also ardently wishes for abolition of slavery to occur as well as equality for all (which eventually does occur in the subsequent 14th and 15th amendment, and Civil Rights Act, but was too far reaching in 1865 in order to acquire the necessary votes). In helping to explain to Stevens why flexibility and strategic planning were important when trying to attain goals, Lincoln delivers the above quote.
Whether Lincoln actually said these words or Tony Kushner expertly wrote them, we may never know, but the explanation contains valuable, timeless wisdom.

As resolutions are written down for the coming year, you must believe in your heart, gut, soul and mind that you will achieve them. You will need this obstinate strength to adhere to the journey you have set yourself upon because there will be obstacles. There will be swamps.

But it is in knowing this beforehand that will ensure your success. While many life coaches suggest writing down obstacles that may occur at the same time you are writing your goals and then precede to write down how you will deal with such obstacles, I hesitate to instruct you to do this. Why? While, yes, you can predict some of the obstacles, I can guarantee you there will be obstacles you couldn’t even fathom. And when those unexpected moments happened after all the predicting you did beforehand, you may become so deterred that your all of your preparation was for naught (it wasn’t, but it may feel that way).

What I would suggest:

1. reading a post I wrote earlier this month about how I go about preparing for a wonderful new year
2. if it would ease your mind, write the first few obstacles you feel you may encounter and have a strategy for dealing with them. For example, spending less time with people who might not be supportive of the changes you wish to make. But don’t be fooled into thinking that there won’t be other obstacles. You must simply expect them.
3. accept that while you may set a deadline, even after diligent planning, the date may shift (farther away or sooner than expected)
4. be willing to celebrate and focus on the many small steps along the way that are necessary and will eventually lead you where you want to go.
5. be patient
6. never give up

While you may be ready to make your dreams a reality now, the timing may not be perfect for the other actors in your play; however, it doesn’t mean that they’ll never be ready. Be willing to make the progress you can when whatever opportunities come your way. Because after all, anything worth achieving or attaining will take time and immense amount of effort. Call them resolutions, call them goals, call them whatever you want, but I highly recommend that you continue to improve the quality of your life, no matter how wonderful it already is. To be alive is to have an opportunity to get it right, to live up to your full potential. And if you’re alive, you have more potential to discover.

You must know I’m in the middle of my journey as well, and I refuse to give up. Are you with me?

SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~3 Simple Steps to Designing Your Best Life

~Stop and Celebrate

~Why Not . . . Achieve Your Dreams? (3 part series)

Image: pinterest

Using Failures as Guideposts to Success

In the October issue of Harper’s Bazaar (US), actress Kate Walsh shares her thoughts on being appreciative that success didn’t arrive until well into her mid-thirties (“I Made It After 35”, pg 256). A wonderful article documenting her struggle, she reflects on the many lessons she was taught in the journey through her twenties, and how thankfully she was able to navigate these times without the hindrance of fame, so that when it did finally arrive, she knew what to let roll off her back and how to appropriately handle situations that had they occurred earlier in her life, she made not have handled as gracefully.

Recently, I have received a handful of Ask Shannon emails about what to do when life doesn’t go as you had planned. In nearly each email, the women were highly successful and reaching for grand goals. And while from my perspective, they were clearly quite successful but had bumped up against some adversity that would require of them to create a new plan of action, they were frustrated, doubtful and a bit uncertain of what to do next.

All three of these emotions are common and understandable because when we invest our time into any venture, it is beyond disappointing to be denyed (initially) because we haven’t made a plan for the alternative . . . yet.

The fact that we respond so strongly to moments such as these is actually a good sign of where our passions lay. These moments can reveal a lot about who we are, what we desire, what we believe we are capable of and the true depth of our strength depending upon how we respond.

Life would be a wonderful utopia if everything we ever wanted came true, and we weren’t confronted by roadblocks; however, we know that is not the case. On the outside, it may seem that other people are spoon-fed a better lot than us, but we have to cast aside this comparison because we only have control over ourselves and the situations that present themselves to us.

It is our job to allow these setbacks, these long bouts of waiting and wondering to be molded in to a time when we choose to develop our talents, our creativity, and our strength, so that when the amazing moments arrive, we can grab them with both hands and make the most of them without taking them for granted.

Today I’d like to share with you ways to better navigate after the initial setback has occurred, so that you are continuously moving forward toward the intended success that that particular failure was intended to lead you toward.

1. Focus on small goals that will help lead to the larger goal. Achieving small successes along the way is what will gradually, but steadily, improve your confidence to believe that you can indeed be successful. Such successes may not be viewed by the outer world as much of an accomplishment, but if it’s something you have finally completed for the first time (speaking in front of a group of people about your business plan, writing your first blog post, or finally getting on a plane to see the other side of the country), it is a success and you should allow these successes to lift you up.

2. Refuse to be deterred. For example, if your first round of attempts to find a publisher or literary agent aren’t successful, keep trying. You may have to change your proposal, you may have to change your direction slightly, but keep trying. The only people who never taste the deliciousness of success are those who throw in the towel. You may not end up where you thought you’d end up, but it is my understanding through experience and observance of others’ examples that life is guiding you to where you have the potential to one day be, but in order to get there, you must not stop.

“You don’t have to have all the big answers right now. Just ask the questions and keep asking the questions. Let them simmer in your life. The answers will arrive when you are ready.” –Eckhart Etolle

3. Look up to role models. When you are in the trenches trying to figure out which way you should go and/or how you’re going to pick yourself up, look to people who have been there before you and have come out the other side successfully. In times of doubt, look to concrete examples that prove that someone that was on a similar journey as yourself made it work. If you are struggling novelist, look to J.K. Rowling. If you’re a struggling chef, look to Julia Child. If you’re a struggling entrepreneur, look to Henry Ford. In other words, lean on them. Be inspired by them as you establish faith that everything will work out.

One of the most frustrating parts about making a plan or setting goals is that often the world doesn’t agree with our timeline. But the essential element we must never forget is that in order to create the life we desire, we do have to know what we want and we do have to have a plan of attack. In the meantime, we must also pack our patience and know that as we become better at navigating what the world throws at us, eventually a wonderful life will reveal itself. And in essence, it is sort of like a gift because we never are quite sure when it will arrive, but we can be certain that due to our efforts, that it at least has a very, very strong chance of showing up. And that . . . that is what makes all the effort, time and nights of questioning and endless doubts worth it.

Images: (1)  pinterest 

13 Instances When Slow & Steady is the Best Approach

“Any act often repeated soon forms a habit; and habit allowed, steady gains in strength. At first it may be but as a spider's web, easily broken through, but if not resisted it soon binds us with chains of steel.”

–Tryon Edwards

With a quick-fix for so many maladies in this world – obesity, debt, stress, pain, etc – the practice of going about achieving goals with a mentality of slow and steady consistency can sometimes be forgotten.
While initially, knowing that what you want won’t come with the snap of your fingers with this approach, it can be frustrating. After all, winning the lottery would be a much easier solution to financial security than stashing a couple extra hundred dollars away each month for your savings or retirement fund.

However, the reality is, winning the lottery will only occur to a lucky (or unlucky, depending upon how you view it) few.  The rest of us will have to figure out another, more reliable approach.

The slow and steady plan is something that requires of the doer a clear vision. Therefore, it is imperative that each of us understands what and why we want what we want. Each person will prioritize their lives differently, have different dreams and follow a different path, but once we realize what it is we adamantly want to achieve, it is easier to resign ourselves to the reality that in order to achieve it, we must be willing to be patient, proceed with consistent effort and not lose sight of where we want to end up.

Read more »

Why Not . . . Have Patience?

After years of having a hard time seeing the value in having patience, I am now well aware of what a treasure such a virtue is.  Think about it in reverse for a second. How would you describe an impatient person? A few things come to mind: feeling overwhelmed, rushed, unappreciative, dissatisfied, lacking motivation or perseverance, quick to anger and premature in ending something before it’s had time to blossom and bear its fruit.

So in order to persuade and motivate us all to welcome even more patience into our lives, I’ve listed five benefits below of acquiring it. Because ultimately, the initial goal in wanting something is to attain what we think we don’t already have, but ironically, by slowing down we come to realize how rich we are and that we already have what we seek in our grasp.

Gain Clarity

When we slow down and decide not to rush, things and people are allowed to move at their natural pace.  We begin to see things as they are and in doing so, are able to see the grand picture and gain much more perspective because we aren’t quickly speeding by.  Those opportunities that might have been missed had we been whizzing by, are now much easier to see. And how much time are we really saving if we have to go back and correct mistakes due to our inability to make the best decision at the time?

Anticipatory Pleasure

I find that in setting a goal or in looking forward to something that is planned in the future, the anticipation is just as pleasurable as the actual event itself. The journey preceding the event is something that shouldn’t be erased or condensed.  It is all right to require children (or adult children) to wait until Christmas Eve or morning to open presents, it’s quite exciting really to make plans a month or two, maybe six months in advance, and anxiously await what will occur all the while planning and prepping.  And who doesn’t love the prepping? Planning for the wedding, getting read for a first date, shopping for the getaway vacation you’ve planned for over a year – these aspects are part of the fun and the memories you will never forget – don’t rush them. The journey truly is part of the joy, so why not savor it?

Learn A Lesson

Whenever a challenge in life has knocked us backward or caught us by surprise, the immediate reaction is a feeling of failure, a loss of faith or a dip in our self-confidence, but by allowing some time to take place, letting time heal our bruises, the lessons of such experiences soon come to light. So the next time, you hear “no” when you were sure you’d hear “yes”, give yourself time and before long, you’ll come to quickly realize the opportunity for growth you were presented with.

Discover The Truth

When we require ourselves to wait until some time has passed before making a final decision, we allow the truth to present itself. The funny thing about the truth is that it’s always there, it’s just a matter of our ability to see it, and sometimes when we rush, we skip over important information that would have changed our minds entirely.  Signing that contract, going out on that date, spending half our paycheck. When we allow ourselves time to mull it over, sleep on it if you will, usually the answer that will sit well with us and our conscious for a long time to come will emerge.

Achieve Contentment

So often upon achieving something, we leave little or no time to savor it and are immediately rushing on to the next goal or thing to acquire. By slowing down and having patience we allow ourselves to truly appreciate what we’ve accomplish and not take it for granted when it occurs, thereby, allowing the awareness of being content and satisfied be a feeling that we are submerged in and wouldn’t want to quickly toss away.

All in all, patience is something that calms things down, allows life to take a breath. Instead of constantly seeking what’s in the future, why not savor the present moment we are fortunate enough to be in right now?  Because after all, true contentment is the simple state of having peace of mind and peace of mind comes with quieting our lives and quickening its pace.

“He that can have patience, can have what he will.”

–Benjamin Franklin

To read more on patience:

*The Perfect Couple

*Little By Little, Grand Things Are Achieved

Images: (1) Musings In Femininity (2) Musings In Femininity (3) Oh Fashion Model (4) La Dolce Vita (5)  Oh Fashion Model

The Perfect Couple

“He that can have patience,

can have what he will.”

-Benjamin Franklin

Good wine, sun ripened tomatoes, the appreciation of a home’s value, and vintage clothing all have one thing in common – time.  In other words, someone recognized the potential value in each of these subjects and decided to wait, to hold back . . . to have patience. 

Let’s continue this game.  What do these concepts have in common? Weight loss, earning a degree, becoming CEO of a company, training for a marathon and becoming a New York Times best selling author?  The theme is most definitely perseverance coupled with . . . you’ve got it - patience.

Patience is a hard quality for those who are ambitious to master because everybody seems to want it now . . . everything now.  At first glance it is assumed that patience is asking you to be wasteful of your time or even worse, to be lazy.  But it is quite the contrary.

Patience involves staying focused, continuing to hone one’s skill, talent or craft, waiting for the perfect opportunity when both your skills are at their best and the opportunity is at its highest potential. So in order to allow your patience to pay off, you must, while you are waiting, continue to persevere.  Use the time in limbo to improve, grow, learn, mouths shut (unless to ask questions), and ears open.

Look at it this way, “ . . . impatience breeds anxiety, fear, discouragement and failure. Patience creates confidence, decisiveness, and a rational outlook, which eventually leads to success.”  But the success can’t come, if you are remaining idle in the same spot and not furthering yourself.  The bachelors degree that you now mindlessly include on your resume took most likely four years – four years – not just a few days to attain.  And then finishing graduate school, again more time.  Always remember that your first day on the job, or the first attempt at any hope of a successful venture will not be pretty, but if you’re willing to put your nose to the grindstone and stop looking up so often, you’ll accomplish everything you’ve hoped for and most likely, more than you had ever imagined.  After all, as Ralph Waldo Emerson reminds us, with “patience and fortitude [we can] conquer all things.”

I believe without question that patience and perseverance must be married simply because while being patient, you must continue to strive forward, to work towards your dreams and allow yourself to learn, make mistakes and learn some more.  It is in this process that one grows and comes closer to their definition of success. 

“Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.” Cheers to that.

Have a wonderful Monday and a patient step toward your future success in whatever arena it might be found.

Images: (1)  Source 

Easy is Never Appreciated

“The progress of your life

toward peak experiences

in all aspects of living

will take time.

Arrive at new ways

gradually, and you will

leave your old ways

too far behind

for easy return.”

Patience, patience, patience.  Another quote that I’ve always played back in my mind works equally well here, but is a bit less eloquent, “In time, the grass turns to milk.”

Regardless of which aphorism you gravitate towards, the message remains the same – stay the course, one step at a time preceding in the same direction toward your goal.

It is so much simpler to believe such advice when you’re sitting at the other end, having reached your intended destination, but for those of us who are still grappling up the ladder, at times feeling as though we are barely hanging on, it seems the destination will never be reached.
 
Instead of looking for inspiration from someone who has succeeded (if that doesn’t work for you), why not look back upon your own successes? Even if they appear to be small, they are indeed a source of inspiration that you can hold on to, reminding you that you can stay focused.  Remember when you were a weary freshman, and it seemed ages before you would be the “wise” senior in school?  In hindsight, the time flew and all it took was steps forward in the right direction.

 Or how about that most desired object or trip or first home which seemed a million miles away.  You eventually purchased it after working two, sometimes three jobs or excruciatingly long hours in your career field –  you may not have enjoyed each step, but you made it because you could smell the scent of sweet reward at the end.
 
The thing I believe many people forget is that discouragement and impatience weed out the wannabes.  Millions of people want to be published, but the few it seems that do, simply followed through.  Settling and impatience and the belief that you don’t deserve what you are willing to work for are all thoughts that need to be eliminated from your mind if success is your goal.

Agreed, some have it much easier in getting and reaching their dreams, but do they appreciate it as much as you will when you arrive at your desired destination?  It doesn’t matter, because you aren’t them. You have but one life, stop making excusing and step forward – again, and again and again.. . .   Each step will not be enjoyable, but so many others will be, and ultimately, you have to want it badly enough to persevere.

So today, I give you a twofer.  A nod to the movie Hitch:


"Do you know the definition of ‘perseverance’, Miss Melas?  Continuing in a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure.”

Remain determined, and let the others slowly become impatient because it truly comes down to, how badly do you want to make it happen? After all, nothing worth having ever came easy.

Have a most lovely start to your week.

Images: pinterest

Patience is a Virtue

Patience and perseverance have a

magical effect before which

difficulties disappear and obstacles

vanish.

-- John Quincy Adams

You’re almost there. Keep up the pursuit, for something beautiful is patiently waiting.