Making Connections

“Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard and valued, when they can give and receive without judgment.”

– Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly: How the Courage to be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead

A young mothers group, the President’s Club, Lean In circles for women daring to be ambitious, any healthy relationship between two people.

What do each of these have in common?

First, the people involved have similar experiences and interests which bring them together. And secondly, if the group or rendezvous is to be defined as successful, then it means that those involved feel their presence is noticed, welcomed and appreciated. And most importantly, there is a mutual understanding of the excitement, fears and doubts that all parties involved are/have going/gone through which helps to reduce judgment and instead instigate genuine support and understanding thereby creating the genuine connection that Brene Brown writes and speaks about.

The paradox of making connections with others is that (1) we can feel alone while we are in a relationship with someone, (2) in a room crowded with people or (3) even if we have thousands of “friends” on social media networks. So where and how do we seek authentic connections?

First and most important, come to understand the definition of connection. Just as in each of the above three examples mentioned, it becomes more apparent as to why it is possible to feel alone - (1) your partner doesn’t hear you, what you say doesn’t matter if it doesn’t correlate with what they want (2) you don’t have the same values as the people in the room, and (3) none or very few of the people would notice if you “unfriended” them.

Dr. Brene Brown shares in her book Daring Greatly, that science has shown we are hard-wired for seeking social connections. While everyone’s level of connectedness may vary (i.e. extroverts vs. introverts), she argues that at the core of why we seek connections is to know that we exist, that we are loved, needed and valued. And when, in our minds, we don’t feel “seen, heard or valued”, we suffer.

What do faux connections look like:

• having to change what you believe, value or are passionate about to belong
• being agreeable all of the time even when you don’t agree
• dating or marrying someone to lift the social burden of being single
• having a long list of “friends” on social media without one to call on during times of trouble, worry or emergency
• endless taking by one party without appreciation
• endless giving by one party in order to please – being used simply because you are made to believe you “should” do something or if you don’t you won’t be accepted

What do authentic connections look like:

• perfection isn’t required
• similar interests/passions
• having a differing opinion won’t exclude you from the group
• trust in the other party or person to show up authentically
• being able to be yourself
• a belief that you bring value to the relationship or group with your presence
• both parties give and receive equally and willingly

Everyone connects with different types of people; however, at the foundation of each of these connections runs a common thread. I’d like to encourage you to take some time today to examine those relationships and groups you feel, or have felt in the past, to be the most connected to and genuinely enjoyed being a part of. Why?

Most likely, it was because you could truly be yourself, you could let your hair down, and feel as though you were contributing something of value.  A variety of connections come to my mind as to when I felt/feel the most connected: my high school sports teams, my grad school cohort, my parents, my closest friends, my niece, being a pet owner, as a teacher in the classroom, with my mentor of more than ten years, a romantic relationship that I was too young to appreciate, and currently with my readers here on the blog.

Now, the how. How do we find the authentic connections that we seek?

1. Understand yourself and come to appreciate all that you are and are not - once you respect your innate passions, quirks and curiosities, the path you should follow becomes clearer. It may not be crystal clear, but at least you can point yourself in the right direction. And it is on this path that you will have the opportunity to meet people to create genuine connections with. (Click here to find out how to get to know yourself).
2. Be observant - while at work, be observant of those who appear to have similar interests or approaches or are experts in their field. In your personal life, be curious about events, gatherings, say yes to invitations that you want to learn more about or already have an interest in.
3. Be curious – be brave and willing to introduce yourself and ask questions. Listen, but also be authentic in your response.  It is the combination of authentic representation of ourselves and discovering similarities with others that sparks ignite.
4. Be authentic – don’t over-share or reveal unnecessary stories about yourself as a way to try and impress or connect with someone. Remember to be authentic. Desperation is easily sensed, but on the flipside, so too is genuine interest.
5. Be patient – when getting to know someone you’ve just begun dating or a regular group gathering you’ve just started to attend, take your time to observe who they really are by seeing them in a variety of scenarios or overtime. Anyone can make a great first impression with practice and honed skill, but it is the follow through that should seal the deal.
6. Keep your word – in other words, be honest and forthright. Sometimes there will be instances when you have to cancel plans, but be honest as to why and do so as much ahead of time as possible if this is a relationship you want to strengthen. However, do your best to match your actions with your words. People remember what you do, so make sure it’s worth remembering.
7. Be vulnerable – as the relationship progresses, in order to strengthen the bond, authenticity is required. And in order to be authentic, the masks that we put up for the rest of the world to protect ourselves must be removed from time to time. Take a risk and invite your date to your favorite pastime, or in a meeting with a trusted colleague, share your idea that you were too afraid to share in front of everyone. By revealing yourself, you discover how deep the connection can go and if it will last. Do this gradually – the revealing of yourself - and as you do you will draw to yourself people who you can create genuine connections with and as an added bonus, you will become more comfortable in your own skin.

Once we understand how successful relationships work, we can focus on strengthening the ones we already are a part of and seek out ones that would bring even more value and enjoyment to our lives. And as we live with intention, what we spend time doing grows and multiples.

I don’t know about you, but quality relationships, rather than a multitude of faux relationships for appearance sake is certainly part of my definition of a simply luxurious life. Have a wonderful Monday everyone.

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~17 Ways to be a Good Partner

~Why Not . . . Make Someone Feel Special?

~Learn to Leap

 

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Why Not . . . Have That Difficult Conversation?

Over the past year, one of the common requests I have received is to share strategies on how to effectively and compassionately have a difficult conversation with a friend, partner, colleague, boss or family member.

Such conversations are not easy and understandably something that inspires dread and often avoidance all together. But when we avoid speaking up for ourselves, we rob ourselves of the potential to build strong, quality relationships either with the people we are currently involved with or the chance to break free and move on to find people who we can build strong, healthy relationships with.

So whether you have a friend who you care about but is incessantly draining your time by complaining about her life without choosing to do something to change it for the better, are involved with someone in a romantic relationship who continues to make you feel unimportant, are desiring to set firmer boundaries with your family so they will respect your space and time, or work with a colleague who doesn’t allow you to contribute to group work or respect your ideas, I’ve created a seven step checklist that will help you clarify exactly what it is you want to change, how to have a conversation that has the highest potential for positive results and how to move forward successfully. Have a look.

1. Beforehand, determine why you want to have the conversation. What do you hope to gain or accomplish? Before the conversation begins, take some time to determine if indeed a conversation is necessary. Often we enter into arguments with people or about topics that don’t play a significant role in our lives and proceed to waste energy that wasn’t necessary to expend. However, if the issue at hand involves someone who you will in the future have to continue to work with, someone who you are building a life with, or someone who is a dear friend that you don’t want to lose, then it is imperative that you are clear about what you wish to gain by having a conversation with them. In other words, don’t enter into a conversation simply to prove that you were right and they were wrong. Instead, enter into a conversation to stand up for yourself, so that you can continue to remain involved with the person at a level that is respectful and allows both parties to maintain their dignity and sense of self.


2. Step away from your emotions and observe them objectively. Be clear about how you feel, be honest and respect your feelings. Then determine why you are feeling the way you are feeling. What are you fearful of? What needs aren’t being met? What event provoked you to feel the way you do? Why did it bother you the way it did? And please always keep in mind that even if someone else would have responded differently, you still have a right to your feelings. When you get an opportunity to explain to your friend/partner/boss/etc why you felt that way, hopefully they will have a better opportunity to understand you and reassure you that their intent was not to make you feel that way. However, if they know the information you’ve shared and then continue to behave in a similar manner, be mindful and seriously consider moving on.

3. Enter the conversation with a positive attitude – knowing it may be difficult, but desiring for it to work out. Don’t begin the conversation on the defensive. Approach any difficult conversation with the desire to hear their side (and truly listen), as well as have the opportunity to calmly share your side as well. If both parties are willing to listen (they may not agree, but simply listen), there is a chance for a positive outcome.


4. Once the conversation begins, gather as much information as possible from what the other person is saying as well as how they behave – their mannerisms. Let’s just be honest, actions matter just as much as words, so while the person you’re having the conversation with may say exactly what you want to hear, observe their actions during and after the conversation as well. Such observations will help you understand if they were sincere is trying to improve your relationship. However, while they are sharing their side of the situation, let them speak. Listen and don’t be preparing in your mind what you are going to say. Treat them the way you wish they will treat you when you are able to share your side.

5. Listen fully (you will get your turn to speak) and then repeat back to them what you’ve heard them say, to be sure you’ve heard it correctly. By doing this, you are demonstrating to them that they have been heard which, if both parties’ goal is to grow, improve and strengthen the relationship, will build trust and reduce defensiveness (however, it may not eliminate it entirely, and that is to be expected). By paraphrasing back to them what you heard them say, you are also helping yourself to understand more clearly the reasons behind their behavior. It doesn’t necessarily mean that what they did was okay but helps provide understanding and offer an opportunity to potentially move forward.

6. State your side and advocate for how you feel and your position. Remember to respect how you felt prior to the conversation and do not be charmed into letting those feelings become irrelevant. They are real, you felt them. By sharing the reasons that prompted you to feel the way you did, you are standing up for yourself and allowing the other person to understand your side. Be honest, but not vengeful. “I felt disrespected when you made a decision to  ______________ without checking to see if I was available,” for example. Click here to learn three specific ways to have an effective and respectful conversation.


7. Begin to problem solve and move forward. Once both parties have shared their side, and as long as both parties have the goal of improving the relationship and are committed to making it work, when you put your two heads and ideas together, you will now be able to address how to improve your relationship. Knowing why someone behaved the way they did or felt the way they did can be very vulnerable and exposing for the person sharing, but if you are both invested in the relationship, the risk will be worth it as it will allow the bond between the two of you to strengthen.

The most important component in reaching a positive outcome while having a difficult conversation is having two parties (persons) who both want to improve the relationship. As long as both parties feel that the relationship is valuable and are willing to listen, adjust and still feel they are able to be respected and valued, then there is hope. Even if the goal is to bring the relationship to an end in a respectful manner, if both parties have this goal in mind, the outcome will bring healthy closure so that both parties can move on.

~A book to check out How to Have That Difficult Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Images: (1) pinterest 

This & That: No. 22

Fall shopping, an insightful book and a way to bring a bit more French language into your daily routine . . .

~Shopping

~Heirloom Tote – Rib & Hull - $285

Many of you have been asking about an ideal travel tote, and while I promise to discuss what to look for in more detail tomorrow (in part two of Why Not . . . Travel Internationally?), I came across this lovely leather tote last week from Rib & Hull that I couldn’t wait to share. The only drawback for travelers who like compartments and strict organization is that the Heirloom Tote has none, but it certainly is a fantastic bag for large items, papers and travel. Without question an investment that will last, and complement any stylish ensemble.

~Surprise Sale at DVF!

I was thrilled to discover this surprise sale on many of Diane von Furstenberg’s Fall collection pieces as I was adding a few finishing touches to my NYFW wardrobe. Simply enter SURPRISE as the promo code on labeled items and receive 30% the regular price! (sale ends September 3rd)

~The OutNet

If you haven’t shopped at The OutNet (which was created by Natalie Massanet and her team that created Net-a-Porter), you will find impressively reduced designer clothing and accessories.

So now that I am in love with scarves, I am on the hunt, and while perusing the internet doing some fall shopping, I found at The OutNet these fantastic Valentino scarves at a great price reduction.

~Blog to Follow

~Suburbly Chic tumblr

If you enjoy looking for endless style inspiration online, you will thoroughly enjoy Suburbly Chic’s tumblr blog. Defined as the upscale casual look, Suburbly Chic regularly shares ideas for creating outfits that have a touch of femininity with a stylishly chic edge. Have a look.

~Website

~News in Slow French

As second language learners know, the best way to learn a language is to immerse yourself in the culture, and while living in France would be a dream, it isn’t plausible for many of us unless we spend our vacations there. So . . . why not choose to tweak one of your daily routine activities so that you are listening and absorbing it in the language you are trying to learn? News in Slow French (other languages are available as well) not only reads the news aloud slowly, but you can read along on the page. For a small price, you can regularly receive news updates and other language lessons.

~Book

~Committed: A Love Story by Elizabeth Gilbert

Finally, after receiving positive reviews from many fellow bloggers and readers, I have read the follow-up book to Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir Eat, Pray, Love. Committed is Gilbert’s quest to understand and find peace with the institution of marriage as she and her loyal boyfriend Felipe are essentially forced to marry in order to live in the states together. Her research reveals intriguing histories of marriage and how it was dealt with, accepted and has evolved over time. While her clear intent is to find a way to accept it, what she also shares with the reader are many ways to strengthen the intimate bond with our significant others to help create a stronger relationship made when two loving, yet whole people come together. It was a lovely and thought-provoking read that I highly recommend.

Why Not . . . Make Someone Feel Special?

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about relationships lately. I can’t seem to help it, as I am traveling with someone on my upcoming trip who holds a dear place in my heart.

Each and everyone of us, I believe, wants to feel special. Not necessarily special to everyone or a grand group, but to at least a handful of people who truly care as to how we are doing and would miss us terribly if we weren’t in their lives. I think how we treat those who are special to us is something we learn as a child, and I am so very thankful for my parents who modeled a behavior I try to emulate. My mother has always been thoughtful when it comes to small and big occasions and knowing when someone needs a little special something (not always gifts, but giving of her time, an ear to listen and most precious of all, her presence), and my father is always available with an extra hand. Neither expecting anything in return.

However, not everyone has such examples which is why it’s refreshing to know this is a learned behavior, and we can always change or improve how we go about showing those we care about how important they are to us.

While I will always be a proponent of independence and being able to stand on one’s own two feet, when we work with others toward the same goal, amazing results can transpire.

With that said, the misunderstanding when someone feels special to another, but the other’s actions don’t match what is said can be heart-wrenching.

As humans, when we become hurt, we become protective naturally as to prevent from being hurt in the same way again. Often many will hurt as a defense. After all, when it comes down to the nuts and bolts of life, we can only really depend upon ourselves, and we must choose to trust others even when we’re not sure. Choosing to trust, knowing who to trust, can sometimes be daunting.

However, it is through this trial and error that we discover we can trust ourselves to better observe who will continually hurt us or place us second, and alternatively, who will always be there (even though there may be times of misunderstandings and unintentional inflictions of pain) no matter what happens.

As we all continue to build either the relationships we hold dear or improve upon past failed relationships, I’d thought I’d share today 46 ways to show someone how special they are in creating the most important part of the life we want to curate for ourselves. Some of the suggestions can work in a variety of different settings and relationships (work, family, friends, etc), but primarily my suggestions are for strengthening that relationship with your significant other.

Have a look, and please do share ways that you’ve found to express to someone that they are special in your life.

1. Turn to them when you’ve had a bad day.

2. Be specific in your compliments.

3. Always be their teammate, not more competition.
4. Open the door.

5. Tell them you believe in them. Applaud who they want to be and are becoming and don’t prey upon their insecurities.

6. Laugh with them.


7. Smile when you see them.

8. Remember details about them that they’ve shared in confidence.

9. Keep their confidence, have secrets between just the two of you. Establish trust.

10. Less texting to share feelings and more talking face to face which takes greater courage.

11. Point out what they do well.

12. Be their biggest cheerleader, not their critic.

13. Always have their back in group conversations, even if you don’t agree.

14. During arguments, turn toward each other. Even if it’s just to hold each other until you can make sense of your feelings. Don’t run away.


15. Brag about them to others even when they aren’t around.

16. Be willing to wait until they are ready – to talk, to share, to move forward, etc.

17. Ask them to teach you something that they are proud of accomplishing.

18. Remember their full name.

19. Show appreciation for the little and big things that they do.

20. Listen. Show you understand what they are going through by repeating some of what they’ve said back to them.

21. Set goals together.


22. Be kind.

23. Never point out flaws in public, and in private, focus on their positive qualities and build those up.

24. Just be together. Whether you are working in the yard together, reading the evening papers or simply just being, let the hours pass being in each others’ company. Much comfort can be found.

25. Let them know that they are enough. Life is full because they are in it.

26. Make their favorite meal, snack or drink.

27. Leave unexpected notes just because.

28. Offer to help before they ask.

29. Spend time together just the two of you.


30. When you tell them you love them, look into their eyes. Say it sincerely, not out of habit.

31. Place your hand on the swell of her back when escorting her to the car, into the restaurant, across the street, etc.

32. Respect their passions. Try to understand and learn more about them (you don’t have to like their passions, but try to understand why they do.)

33. Celebrate when they reach small or big milestones toward their personal or professional goals.

34. Let your actions mimic your words.

35. Give a hug just because you want to be close to them.

36. When you say you’ll do something, do it.

37. Arrive on time.

38. Never let them feel like the third wheel whether with friends, family or when meeting co-workers.

39. Experience things together without others’ involvement to build trust, establish more intimacy and gain a clearer understanding of how each other handles various situations.

40. When they’re wrong, don’t point it out. Let it go. Or simply say, “You may be right,” especially on minor things that don’t matter.

41. Let them vent without judgment.

42. Brush their hair out of their eyes or off their face.

43. Take photos together and print and frame them to give to them as a gift.

44. Tell them more than they expect to be told about work, friends, family, etc. Foster the feeling of inclusion, instead of exclusion.

45. Call just to see how their day is going.

46. Be their safe place, their rock, their #1 fan. Let them know that the relationship (and thus they) are your top priority as you create a life together, letting go of some of your old life that doesn’t foster that priority.

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17 Ways to Be A Good Partner

Every relationship between two people is unique. Personalities, cultures, beliefs, interests, experiences, etc, reveal the infinite possibilities of types of couples. However, there are foundational pieces that foster healthy, lasting relationships no matter what two people are involved.

For those who know me well, you may be asking, “Why is she writing about relationships? She’s so private, she’s newly single and personally, I think she’s too young to know such things.” No matter what your first impression is upon reading the title of today’s post, I decided to write it because I’m passionate about it.

I may not be in a relationship at the moment, but I finally have realized I genuinely want to be, and finally feel I am ready (and able) to be a good partner in a relationship. I may be too young to know of what I write, but I know what hasn’t worked and what has been lacking in my past relationships.  And on the flipside, I know what did work and what made my past relationships times in my life which I do not regret. To add to this, I am fortunate to be around many friends and family who are in loving, committed relationships, and I am either observing them (not in a creepy way, I promise) or bombarding them with questions regarding how they make it work.

So with that said, whether you are in a relationship or wanting to be in one someday, here are 17 ways to become a better partner as you both work to create a healthy, loving, respectful and lasting relationship.

1. Be Secure Within Yourself. So often in my twenties, I thought I was ready for a lasting relationship, but the main component that was missing was that I wasn’t confident that I had found what I was passionate doing. So I was still searching, willing to move to chase it down and feeling a bit restless. I hadn’t found my outlet that made me feel as though I was contributing what I had to offer to the world. At the same time I was still creating a foundation – a career, a home, etc, and hadn’t yet figured out how to balance it all. Once I discovered an outlet for my passions and talents and an avenue to share them so that I felt productive at the end of each day, I discovered contentment. I began to realize that I could live this thing called life, and live it well which up until that point, I hoped I could, but I wasn’t sure of myself. In other words I had finally discovered what I needed to maintain my balance and feel secure within myself.

2. Know How to Make Yourself Happy First. Once you feel secure within yourself, you realize you don’t project any expectations of what you need onto your partner. In other words, you aren’t looking at them expecting them to make you happy. After all, it isn’t their job. When two secure individuals come together, while they are able to make themselves happy, they realize that two already complete people can create something even more amazing.

3. Eliminate Unnecessary Selfishness. Once you have discovered how to create your own happiness, you can then focus on giving to your partner. Now this is a two way street. Both partners should delight in the euphoria of their partner’s joy. “Unnecessary selfishness” is a very subjective phrase, but often times one of the partners gives everything – their time, their energy, letting go of their dreams to support their partner – and is too selfless. A healthy balance must be struck. When both partners are conscious and sensitive to each others feelings, dreams and needs, the wrong type of selfishness can easily be eliminated. An example of selfishness that should be curtailed is telling your partner you are too busy to “spend time together”, “to take a walk together”, to yada, yada, yada. While on the surface, the statement may be true, it also reveals to your partner their place on the priority list. So strike the right balance, make sure your priorities are in order to help maintain a healthy, respectful relationship.


4. Be Honest. Be Trustworthy. Lies and omissions only rot the possibility of true intimacy with your partner. Make sure you model how you would like to be treated and behave in a manner (whether you are with your partner or not) that is respectful to the commitment you’ve made to each other and continues to build the trust you’ve already created.


5. Be Responsible. There are going to be good and bad days. There will be days when we get upset or moody. After the emotion has subsided, take time to determine what caused you to become so upset, and take the responsibility of stating the truth behind your emotions. If your partner’s behavior made you feel left out or as though you were the third wheel, let them know. If you feel as though your efforts are being taking advantage of and your partner isn’t doing their share, talk about that. As an adult in a relationship, such conversations aren’t necessarily easy, but they are necessary to create a stronger bond and true understanding of each other’s needs. Many times, it will simply be a misunderstanding, while other times, it’s an opportunity to understand each other better and understand what makes your partner feel comfortable, safe and loved.

6. Be Appreciative. Showing your appreciation for little things that are tended to each day is a simple way to strengthen your relationship. Whether it is putting the garbage on the curb, making dinner, calling you to let you know when they’ll be home, each one of these seemingly small actions demonstrates thoughtfulness and consideration for the others’ feelings and time.

7. Be Able to Apologize. If you were grumpy or difficult, and you realize your behavior was unwarranted toward them, apologize. Take responsibility for your actions. No one is perfect, and people make mistakes reacting on emotion instead of thinking rationally at times. By taking responsibility and apologizing sincerely, you help to gain trust and reveal that while you will make mistakes, you don’t want to hurt them. Now, make sure not to make the same mistake, because that’s an entirely different issue that speaks to lack of respect of the relationship and of the person you are involved with.

8. Spend Quality Time Together, Just the Two of You. When the relationship you are involved in is a priority in your life, you want to spend time together. While there will be instances when you are socializing with others, these time don’t offer moments for intimacy or bonding. Make sure to take the time to just be together – a movie, dinner at your favorite restaurant, hiking, cooking dinner together or simply staying home and enjoying time relaxing.


9. Laugh Together. As a couple, when you are able to laugh together (not at each other, as a way to demean), you are opening yourself up to your partner, allowing yourself to be vulnerable. In those moments when you are able to laugh at yourself, and they themselves, this also shows trust towards each other that they won’t capitalize, humiliate or judge, but simply enjoy the moment with you.

10. Be Their Number One Fan. While in life, each one of us is very capable of achieving amazing things on our own volition, I am well aware of the confidence boost I receive when I have people I love standing behind me, supporting me as I work towards my goals. As a partner, come to understand what your partner’s dreams and goals are, and then be there supporting them as they strive to achieve it – in good times and in bad. Let them know that you are always going to be in their corner. Knowing that you have the support of your partner, is an amazing boost. Again, this should be a two-way street.

11. Have Integrity. It is said that women fall in love with their ears and men fall in love with their eyes. While this is a generality, I do believe that women want to believe what their partner tells them. However, I don’t believe this is exclusive to women. Anybody, when they hear what they want to hear, wants it to be true. The key to any healthy, lasting relationship is that the two people involved follow through with what they say. If you tell your partner that you are going to do something, make sure you do so when you say you will. Be sure to show up on time. If you offer your help, follow through and extend your efforts as previously promised.


12. Respectfully Communicate. Even when both parties involved have the same intention for the relationship, there will be moments of frustration and growth that need to be navigated through. In order to come out on the other side together and still respecting each other, respectful communication is key. Almost two years ago, I shared a post on how to do just that (click here to read).

Communication will work and will strengthen your relationship (all relationships for that matter) if both parties are willing to work at the art of communication.

13. Be a Good Listener and Observer. In order to get to know your partner and understand what makes them tick, pay attention. Not only should you listen well to understand who your partner is, what they like, what makes them upset and why, but be observant of how they respond in certain situations, what makes them comfortable, what makes them smile, what makes them nervous, etc. Often you will gain as much insight or more simply by observing their behavior. (Click here to learn how to become a better listener.)



14. Let Them Know They are Special. It is imperative that both parties feel they are special to their partner. In other words, to feel as though you are irreplaceable and hold a place of priority in their partner’s life that makes it clear you are important in their present and future. For example, when you feel special to someone, you understand that even if you have an argument, it doesn’t threaten the relationship from existing. When you feel special, you know you’d have a much more enjoyable time with them, then without them because their is an intimacy, a comfort, that is provided that no one else can.

15. Don’t Get Lazy in Love. In time, habits are created and expectations become second-nature with regards to how and what our partner will do. However, don’t assume the behavior that you’ve become accustom to will always be there. If you don’t exercise the muscle of appreciation, love, and adoration, it will wither. Let them know they are missed when they are away on a work trip or you are gone for business. Count your blessings and you will be sure to have more to count.

16. Sexual Intimacy. Build it. Foster it. Talk about it. Be able to trust one another, so you can be on the same page with one another and fulfill each others needs.


17. Be Committed. After having looked behind the curtain and learned and come to like who your partner truly is, and realizing you are with someone who has similar values, has similar goals for the future, loves who you are (and visa versa) and both parties want to work and grow together even through the frustrating times, hold fast to this commitment. Understand that there are valleys and hills, but also trust that if you adhere to each of the steps above, more good days and memorable moments are in your future together.



Since I shared my disclaimer above, and also, since I am always wanting to learn, for those of you who have had or currently had successful experiences in the world of love, please do share your advice and insights on what contributes to a healthy and lasting relationship.

Images: (1) (2) (3) (4) (5)  (6) (7) (8)   

13 Instances When Slow & Steady is the Best Approach

“Any act often repeated soon forms a habit; and habit allowed, steady gains in strength. At first it may be but as a spider's web, easily broken through, but if not resisted it soon binds us with chains of steel.”

–Tryon Edwards

With a quick-fix for so many maladies in this world – obesity, debt, stress, pain, etc – the practice of going about achieving goals with a mentality of slow and steady consistency can sometimes be forgotten.
While initially, knowing that what you want won’t come with the snap of your fingers with this approach, it can be frustrating. After all, winning the lottery would be a much easier solution to financial security than stashing a couple extra hundred dollars away each month for your savings or retirement fund.

However, the reality is, winning the lottery will only occur to a lucky (or unlucky, depending upon how you view it) few.  The rest of us will have to figure out another, more reliable approach.

The slow and steady plan is something that requires of the doer a clear vision. Therefore, it is imperative that each of us understands what and why we want what we want. Each person will prioritize their lives differently, have different dreams and follow a different path, but once we realize what it is we adamantly want to achieve, it is easier to resign ourselves to the reality that in order to achieve it, we must be willing to be patient, proceed with consistent effort and not lose sight of where we want to end up.

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