Why Not . . . Stop Competing with Others?

“If you get yourself too engrossed in things over which you have no control, it will adversely affect the things over which you do have control.”

–John Wooden

Listening to yet another lecture on TED (my new favorite app), I came across John Wooden’s advice on true success. And toward the beginning of his speech I heard him state the following, “You should never try to be better than someone else.”

Believe it or not, this advice was instilled in John Wooden (the successful and well-respected UCLA basketball coach - 949-1975) growing up from his father growing up on a small farm in Indiana.

What? How can a coach (and a successful coach at that – 10 NCAA Championship) follow such a mantra? And then he explained.

“Never try to be better than someone else, always learn from others, and never cease trying to be the best you can be because that’s under your control. And if you get too engrossed and involved and concerned in regard to things over which you have no control, it will adversity affect the things over which you have control.”

A bit of a paradox most certainly. When you choose to only compete with yourself and not others, you place the responsibility of success on your shoulders, and at the same time allow yourself the opportunity to discover great contentment upon reaching your goals.

Today I’d like to take a look at why we should all strive to only compete with ourselves and leave others out of the game (figuratively speaking) per John Wooden’s advice.

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Why It’s Okay to be Boring

“Successful and unsuccessful people do not vary greatly in their abilities. They vary in their desires to reach their potential.”–John Maxwell

A handful of times throughout my adult life I have been accused of being boring. Initially, such statements stung because I, like so many others, have been conditioned to believe that “boring” was negative and something to aspire not to be. But then, after much contemplation, I began to consider the source of the statement and then consider the context in which the statement was made. Having analyzed both aspects, I have come to own my boringness.

And here is why:

If being boring means . . .

. . . gradually accomplishing my goals, then I’m more than happy to attain success.

If being boring means . . .

. . . treating my body respectfully, then my future 80-year old body will thank me later.

If being boring means . . .

. . . respecting my instincts, then my self-esteem will will not be dashed.

If being boring means . . .

. . . enabling my focus to be unshakeable, then wasted time will not deter me.

If being boring means . . .

. . . going out, but coming home at a decent hour, then my energy level will be ready to go the next day without losing a step.

If being boring means . . .

. . . being seen as a leader, instead of a follower, then at least I know I’m living my life and not somebody else’s.

And if being boring means . . .

. . . taking care of all of the responsibilities I have accepted gladly (home ownership, doggie mama, educator, writer, adult, etc), then I know I am content with my youth, wish to leave it in the past and do not try to relive it.

Yes, I wholeheartedly accept the label of boring. Each year my life reaches a high that I had not seen before. And while there are many moments throughout the duration when I have stumbled, made mistakes or had to reassess how I approached something, I have come to realize that I am content with my life. And while some (who either don’t know me or refuse to accept and understand who I am) may see my life as boring, I find it quite exhilarating, and those who genuinely love and respect me don’t feel the need to pull me down with such petty remarks.

While at this point in my life it is time to put my nose to the grindstone and work without looking at the clock, I am confident that in doing so I will have time to let go a bit more later in my life. But what I am doing now, I quite enjoy. In fact, I thoroughly enjoy feeling productive at the end of the day – exhausted, but productive.  I have come to learn from observing others’ mistakes and successes, that success doesn’t just land in our laps. We must go out and work for it – work hard for it. And yes, we will have to make sacrifices.

“Every time you stay out late; every time you sleep in; every time you miss a workout; every time you don’t give 100% – You make it that much easier for me to beat you.”-Unknown

Right now I am the putting in my time, trying to learn from every mistake and constantly seeking answers to questions I didn’t even know existed five years ago.

So if labeling me as “boring” makes other people feel better about themselves, I’m fine with that.  In fact, I couldn’t be more thrilled to be called boring. After all, regardless of your political preference, while a student at Columbia University Barack Obama was constantly chided by his roommate for being boring. I can only wonder what his roommate is doing now.

“An invincible determination can accomplish almost anything and in this lies the great distinction between great men and little men.”–Thomas Fuller

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13 Instances When Slow & Steady is the Best Approach

“Any act often repeated soon forms a habit; and habit allowed, steady gains in strength. At first it may be but as a spider's web, easily broken through, but if not resisted it soon binds us with chains of steel.”

–Tryon Edwards

With a quick-fix for so many maladies in this world – obesity, debt, stress, pain, etc – the practice of going about achieving goals with a mentality of slow and steady consistency can sometimes be forgotten.
While initially, knowing that what you want won’t come with the snap of your fingers with this approach, it can be frustrating. After all, winning the lottery would be a much easier solution to financial security than stashing a couple extra hundred dollars away each month for your savings or retirement fund.

However, the reality is, winning the lottery will only occur to a lucky (or unlucky, depending upon how you view it) few.  The rest of us will have to figure out another, more reliable approach.

The slow and steady plan is something that requires of the doer a clear vision. Therefore, it is imperative that each of us understands what and why we want what we want. Each person will prioritize their lives differently, have different dreams and follow a different path, but once we realize what it is we adamantly want to achieve, it is easier to resign ourselves to the reality that in order to achieve it, we must be willing to be patient, proceed with consistent effort and not lose sight of where we want to end up.

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Little By Little Grand Things Are Achieved

“We sow our thoughts, and we reap our actions; we sow our actions, and we reap our habits; we sow our habits, and we reap our character; we sow our character, and we reap our destiny.”

-Desiderius Gerhard Erasmus

Maybe it is adding a minimal $20 to your savings account each month to save for a dream vacation to Paris, maybe it is choosing to do your best each day that you are on the job, as you slowly make your way up the ladder in your company, maybe it is taking the weight off, slowly, yet healthily, or maybe it is building relationships that will stand the test of time.

In our modern world, we have been spoiled with the ability to contact each other immediately, view the news as it is happening, observe as seemingly nobodies become famous for irrational acts and paid mind-blowing sums of money instantaneously, as well as track almost everything on-line. But the message that is being drowned out is that in order to maintain quality in our lives, we must put forth the effort every day to make it as we desire it to be.

And while this may at first seem daunting, the beautiful fact is that it is in our small habits, our small actions, that we partake in every day that will create the life we want.

Something I am thankful to have learned from my parents is that the truly grand things in life will require hard work, focus and patience.  Unfortunately, for our youth today, this message isn’t portrayed in our media as frequently.  In fact, quite the opposite is on display.  But when I think about the aspects of our lives that matter most to us – our relationships, our financial security, our peace of mind, and a healthy grasp on the meaning of life and how to live it successfully, I can’t help but realize immediately, that each require time, a genuine investment and all of them require discipline to help them become successful components of our lives.

“Good habits result from resisting temptation.”

-Ancient Proverb

Just as the compound interest on investments doesn’t reach its full and appreciated potential until decades after the initial venture was begun, the same is true for a healthy relationship. While it may begin wonderfully and bring true bliss, if it is handled correctly, if each of the parties involved are respectful and honest with one another, the grand gift is in the relationship’s maturity, the passionate beginning is just the frosting on the cake.

Most importantly, what I want to impress upon you today is to have patience. Give things a chance to grow, mature and show their full potential before you throw your hands up and assume it can’t work, or it isn’t working.  Granted, there are times when ventures need to be aborted immediately upon realizing the wrong decision has been made, but if on the other hand you’ve done your research, you know what you want, and at the core, what you are working for is worth your sweat and tears, hang in there.  With the little steps you take every day, they turn into habits, and those habits build upon one another, creating far beyond a mole hill that you can’t ignore.  So be sure that you are establishing habits that are propelling you in the direction you want to go because you will get there, trust me.

“Habits form character and character is destiny.”

-Joseph Kaines

Happy Monday everyone and here’s to being mindful in our daily lives so that the sweet successes can be achieved.

Image: (1)  Sebastian