The Weekend . . .

“If you’re tired of starting over, stop giving up.”

I recently came across this quote, and I couldn’t help but nod my head in agreement.  It is easy to keep plugging away at your dreams when things are going well, support is favorable and your confidence is high, but when you end up rammed up against obstacles that refuse to get our of your way, it sometimes seems easier to stop.

Whenever this happens, I would advise you to think of the quote above. If indeed it is something you are wholeheartedly passionate about – a particular career, a relationship, college degree, etc, pass the test that the universe is throwing at you, and keep striving forward. In essence, put your stilettos on and put your best foot forward even when others would throw up their hands in defeat.

What do you want? What legacy do you want to leave behind? Take some time, write your thoughts down if you need to vent or navigate what you’re feeling and why, and then keep pushing, but don’t give up.

I realize this is more of a Monday post than a weekend post, but sometimes we need motivation at the end of the week as well. I hope you have had a wonderful week, and if you are celebrating Easter, I wish you a lovely time with family.  If you are simply looking forward to the weekend, do enjoy and revel in making it your own.

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A Very Important Detail

“That which we elect to surround ourselves with becomes the museum of our soul and the archive of our experience.”

-Thomas Jefferson

When I first began blogging, one of the first inspirational posts I wrote focused on a person’s surroundings; however, I didn’t go into any detail as to what each of us should examine in our lives to create a world that is fulfilling and inspiring simply by being present. So today, I wanted to expand on the importance of paying attention to a detail that may at first seem quite minor, but in fact, is quite crucial to creating a life of true contentment and utter fulfillment.

Let’s begin with a question: What surrounds you? A simple question, but one that can reveal so much about how we view the world, what our daily dialogue is that runs through our minds when we don’t keep it in check and whether or not we are progressing successfully toward our goals or are off the tracks completely.

We are a product of our environment in more ways than we realize if we aren’t paying attention, and so therefore, it is imperative that we pay attention regularly to what we allow to surround us. And it really is a matter we are in control of – we are the gate keepers.

Here is a list of 10 things that might surround you on any given day.  Take some time to examine what your surroundings look like and where you might need to do a little tune-up or should pat yourself on the back for respecting yourself enough to be particular when it comes to the environment you live in.

1. Choose to work with people who know more than you in your desired field of work.

2. Live in a home that is clean, somewhat expressive of who you are (too much is not welcoming to your guests or you as you evolve), relaxing, as well as inspiring each time you step foot into it.

3. Be near nature as often as possible. Whether it be working in your yard, taking a walk in the park or sauntering down the beach, there is an amazing soothing quality that puts things into perspective and allows us to step away from our worries for a moment and appreciate the power of Mother Nature.



4. Choose a partner that is comfortable with themselves and will not be jealous of your dreams and/or success. Ultimately, a healthy relationship is one that builds both people involved up to reach their respective dreams and goals, as well as providing enough common interest, love and respect for each other to work together to achieve certain goals as a team.



5. The community you live in should contain opportunities for you and your family to enjoy, appreciate and be better off had you not had lived there.  With that said, there is not one single place in the world that will provide everything you wish for, however, when an impending move presents itself, be sure to look at everything and choose the place that best fits what you value for yourself and your family. These values may change over time as your needs and desires change, but it is important to make a conscious decision that sits well.


6. Confide in people you trust and who have your back, otherwise, remain mum about your private life.



7. Choose friends that, while trustworthy (as mentioned in #6), also want to see you succeed, are there to support you and build you up, not bring you down. The crux of a solid friendship is whether or not it makes you a better person than if they weren’t in your life, and visa versa.  Again, it’s not how many friends you have, but that you have friends where the give and take is equal.  In fact, it is highly recommended that as adults we have different friends based on how our friendship is based or began.  For example: professional friends, social friends, deep/emotional friends, buddy friends, mentoring friends, childhood friends, etc. Having an eclectic group of friends helps to create a more well-rounded social life.



8. The symphony or cacophony of your life. What noise do you literally listen to all day? Whether it be the music you listen to, the talk radio that helps you stay abreast of current events, the television programs you DVR or the language you allow in your presence, all of this noise has an effect on each of us.  It is imperative that we be cognizant of this and choose to be selective. For example, the language we allow our children or students to use reflects on the positive or negative energy in our life.  Again, remember the goal is to build ourselves and those around us up, not tear each other down. We must realize that words have a very powerful effect.  The same thing goes for the news.  I need to stay aware of what is going on in the world, but a limit must be set – one hour in the morning and one in the evening turned to the programs that I know will keep me up-to-date on the information I need to make decisions throughout my day and inform my class are all I need, otherwise it becomes detrimental.

9. What you read has tremendous power. Knowledge in, knowledge out.  Garbage in . . . well, you get the picture. Our minds are powerful machines and what they absorb affects how we see and relate to the world. What type of machine do you want to nourish and create? What type of skills and abilities do you want to foster?  Anything is possible based on what you feed your brain.  Choose to read every night in some form, and while yes, reading a delightfully fun chic lit book is perfectly acceptable, challenge yourself as well by reading the newspaper, acclaimed pieces of literature or genuinely helpful articles that benefit your life. (To read more ideas and benefits of incorporating reading into your regular routine, click here.)



10. Be the beautiful surroundings you want to see. So often we look outside of ourselves to find excellent surroundings, when we have the ability to create an even brighter environment by projecting a positive attitude and a loving heart. Whether it is the zeal you bring to raising your children, taking care of your pets, engaging in conversation with your friends or throwing yourself into your work, make sure the energy is positive and electrifying in a very welcoming way for those around you, and your effort will be reciprocated in many more ways than you’ll ever know.



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Images: (1) ) chestchest (2) Encore! Life (3) Pleasing Aesthetics (4)  Vogue and Coffee (5) Vogue and Coffee (6) Pleasing Aesthetics (7) The Glitter Guide

Take Time To Reflect To Gain Reassurance

“Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.”

– Herbert A. Otto

It’s hard to see one’s own growth when we’re in the middle of it, just as it’s hard to observe as a parent the day to day changes of a young infant growing and becoming a toddler.  Because we are with ourselves every single moment of our lives, we are unable to see the minute changes that are occurring, adding up to what will at some moment be recognizable and abundantly obvious to everyone around us and eventually to ourselves.

Everyone has those moments in the middle of a journey toward a particular goal where we feel we’re not making any progress, where we begin to doubt that we can achieve what we set out to so many months and/or years ago.



In such moments, it is imperative to stop, gather our thoughts, toss out the negativity and for a reality check reflect back.  For me, I pull out my journals and flip to the pages that are dated exactly a year or more ago, so that I can visualize who I was and then compare it to who I am now. More often than not, I am reassured that progress has been made. Maybe not leaps and bounds every time, but something positive and beneficial toward accomplishing my goals.

“Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time. We are the ones we've been waiting for. We are the change that we seek.”

- Barack Obama

Other tips to keep in mind during such doubtful moments is to stop being so hard on ourselves – don’t lose the positive momentum that has built up, check to make sure the focus is where it should be, and then keep striding forward a little bit each day – a slightly smaller serving size, a few more Lincolns into the savings account each month, completely each task – no matter how simple – to the best of our ability, and not wasting our time on things that don’t matter.



Every positive step taken toward the life each one of us desires and want to live today, is making a difference.  We may not see it now, but we will eventually. Have confidence in the small continued efforts that are building a very solid foundation.

“There are no prescriptive solutions, no grand designs for grand problems. Life's solutions lie in the minute particulars involving more and more individual people daring to create their own life and art, daring to listen to the voice within their deepest, original nature . . .”

- Stephen Nachmanovitch

Images: (1) We Heart It (2) Sebastian (3) Breakfast at Zara’s

Growing Pains – A Very Good Sign

“Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life.”

-Herbert Otto

Like a butterfly trying to break free of the cocoon, a young child maturing and struggling through puberty, or the pain of orthodontia as one’s teeth slowly move into straight alignment, pain and struggle are involved.

Growing pains  by definition are not pleasurable.  They purposely are painful for many reasons.

First, without the recognition and realization that a change is occurring, we would not appreciate it and see the opportunity that is being presented.  With the new abilities – a butterfly to now soar, a young adult to now reason and be self-sufficient, a beautiful smile to aid our health and share with the world – the opportunities are plentiful, but if we didn’t realize them, we very likely might ignore the potential that they afford.

“Convert difficulties into opportunities, for difficulties are divine surgeries to make you better.”  ~Author Unknown

Secondly, growing pains are a test.  A test to make certain that what one is struggling for is indeed what they want. For example, a completed literary novel is not capable of being created with the snapping of the fingers.  A writer must demonstrate regular discipline, passion and dedication in the task of completing the manuscript in order to have the opportunity of appreciating and drinking in the results.  The wannabes are weeded out during the period of growing pains as they eliminate themselves from the process, but those who forge ahead, who struggle through the growing pains of questions and doubts are answering the test in a sufficient manner that will garner the possibility for great success.

“Adversity is like a strong wind.  It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.”  ~Arthur Golden, Memoirs of a Geisha

Lastly, growing pains allow for rich and eternal appreciation of the hard work that was necessary to savor the success that is possible of being achieved after persevering through the adversity, pushing past the critics, and staying on track even though it would have been much easier to let the last problem dealt with halt the engine.

“Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out.”  ~Edwin Markham

There can be many moments of growing pains along the path toward each of our desired goals, and in everyone’s life in general, throughout the many stages, growing pains are the norm.  It is the adversity that causes us to reflect, reevaluate and decide what the legacy is we want to leave behind.

We must consider ourselves lucky for receiving adversity because it means we each have an opportunity to better our lives, to not remain stagnate, for when we are stagnate we are no longer truly living.

Adversity is the stepping stone to a more truthful place of where we are meant to go, of where are abilities can take us if we choose to tap into them.

Today, if you find yourself embattled and ambivalent on how to proceed in a situation that is giving you a difficult time, look inward and ask yourself what is this struggle trying to reveal to me? What can I take away from it and use to improve my life? If you choose to see it as a lesson, you will prevail. Don’t let the alternative keep you from your true potential.

“Every problem has in it the seeds of its own solution.  If you don't have any problems, you don't get any seeds.”  ~Norman Vincent Peale

And click here to see who the winner of the Seductively French giveaway was!

Images: (1) Southern Sophisticate (2) Sebastian (3) Vogue and Coffee

A Little Privacy Please

“The human heart has hidden treasures, In secret kept, in silence sealed; The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures, Whose charms were broken if revealed.”

–Charlotte Bronte

Do you ever have internal debates of how much you should reveal and what you should leave unsaid?  Or whether or not you should reveal absolutely everything to any one person?

Throughout my life I have continually wrestled with the answer that I am most comfortable with regarding this matter, however, with much time, thought, growth and reflection, I have found a balanced approach that works.

A few months ago, one of my readers shared with me that when she received good news, something that was a great success in her eyes, she would keep it to herself for an entire day and revel in the accomplishment without having to internalize anyone else’s judgments (be they good or bad) along with it.  After a day, she would then share the good news with those she loved. It is this approach of letting your own happiness and joy be enough validation for you to choose to celebrate and pat yourself on the back that should help guide you in how to answer the above questions.  In a way, it is your secret, and that, in and of itself, is empowering.

 

1. Choose to Keep Some Things Private

In our world today, there are as many opinions as there are people, and that fact alone should be reassurance that we need to trust ourselves. There are so many different ways to live a fulfilling life, and it truly depends on each person and what they deem as important.  With that said, by choosing to have privacy and not share everything little thing about our lives with the rest of the world, we bolster a belief in ourselves that what we feel, what we know to be true for us, doesn’t need to be validated by anyone else.

While there are all sorts of secrets in this world, today, I am mostly speaking of our own personal secrets. Our thoughts, feelings, personal situations that truly are no one else’s business but our own.  The trend today seems to be moving away from this notion that we should keep anything private, but I would argue adamantly the opposite.

Just as knowledge is power, so is keeping some of your business to yourself, especially your strengths and personal feelings on a wide array of topics until you are truly ready to reveal them to the world and capable of handling the pushback.

“To him that you tell your secret you resign your liberty.” –Anonymous

 

2. Revealing All, Speaks Volumes About One’s Lack of Self-Confidence

It has been my experience when I was younger in my teens and earlier twenties that due to my lack of self-confidence in what I was doing in my life or being unsure of where I was going, I wanted validation from others on what was going on in my life, so I would divulge seemingly everything to trusted confidantes silently seeking approval.

Upon reflection, I can look back and realize why I was such a chatterbox, but at the time, this understanding of why I was doing it was not something I could comprehend.

 

3. Just Because Someone Asks, Doesn’t Mean You Have to Answer

Another component of choosing to keep your business to yourself is being confident enough to not feel as though you have to explain yourself to anyone who you have had to say no to or decline an invitation from. Upon refusal of an invitation, many might as “why?”, and while it may be habit for them to ask such a question, you are under no obligation to explain as long as you respectfully turn them down (RSVPing your regrets is always very much appreciated by the hostess, so be sure to do so promptly before you forget).

The most respectful thing a hostess can do is to realize that people have busy lives, different interests and only so many hours in a day and days in a week. If the people they’ve invited are able to come, wonderful, however, if they don’t, this shouldn’t be seen as a personal attack.

 

4. In Turn, Respect Others’ Privacy As Well

Being someone who chooses to keep private about certain things in their life is often easy to detect, because these are also the people who don’t ask incessant personal questions unless you offer to share without prompting.  Observe the golden rule as you converse with others whether they be close friends or passing acquaintances and grant them the privacy you, yourself desire.

Have a beautiful Monday and a lovely start to the week.

 

Images: (1) Vogue and Coffee (2) House Beautiful (3) Musings in Femininity (4) Sebastian – Renee Zellwegger – Harper’s Bazaar Dec. 2007 (5) Vogue and Coffee

One Small Adjustment Away From Contentment

“We are all just one small adjustment away from making our lives work.”

–Paul Rudd in How Do You Know?

A life well lived is one that involves discipline, reflection and the conscious awareness of our present actions on our future.

It is quite easy in our day-to-day lives to enjoy instant gratification, after all, drive-thrus and fast food were created to appease such a desire, but is instant gratification something we should indulge?

Upon hearing the quotations above over the past weekend, I began to mull over its validity.  Could this be true? It is really as simple as making one small adjustment?

I think the key word is “small” and while many may say that the adjustments that are necessary in their lives to make it work are far from small, I would argue that we are giving these adjustments more power then they deserve.  I would argue that it is we who are standing in the way and making it more difficult than it needs to be. I would argue that it truly is a small adjustment, a simple change of perception – focusing instead on the magnificent benefits that will be appreciated in the future, instead of clinging to the instant fulfillment at the moment which will evaporate in a matter of moments.

If we can step back from the present situation that is giving us fits (savoring one more cookie even though we’ve vowed to watch our sugar intake, or purchasing another pair of fabulous shoes even though we know we can’t afford it), and act in a way as if we are parenting ourselves, looking out for our own well-being, making a prudent decision now that will be behoove us much more in the long run and reap far more abundance and lasting fulfillment down the road, then it really is a small adjustment.  It is a matter of perception. 

In an issue of Vogue a handful of years ago, Jennifer Aniston made a statement that continues to remain in my mind. She stated,

“Everything you want in the world is just outside your comfort zone.  Everything you could possibly want.” –Jennifer Aniston Vogue December 2008

Such a statement holds weighty truth that serves as a reminder that we all are the master of our destiny.  We all have the potential of creating the life we covet.  We all have the opportunities, however, we must accept that it requires a change within us, if we wish to see a change in our current situation.

The small adjustment needed may be in your relationships, your health, your career, or something else entirely. But keep in mind that whether it be putting up firmer boundaries, becoming more disciplined with your saving habits, ignoring feelings of lust and choosing to get to know someone’s true character first, or by simply taking a risk by asking for a raise or seeking out advice, be sure you are tackling it from the direction of what needs to be changed by you, within you, for yourself because as we all know, we only have control over our own actions, and we must take responsibility for them if we wish to attain a contented and fulfilling life.

I hope this post finds you well and may the week be off to a promising start. Thank you for stopping by and feel free to share your experience with this approach to life. I would love to hear your stories.

Images: (1) Keep It Chic (2) Hearbeatoz (3) Encore! Life

Stand Up With Determination and Hope

“You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.”

-Winston Churchill

There are very few people in modern history who played such a crucial role in how life is lived today. Without Winston Churchill’s strength of character, winsome ability to inspire, yet at the same time speak with conviction against almost all odds, history may have written a different outcome to World War II.

I find myself continually inspired by him with the more historical and biographical information I read. Being an avid reader and continually striving to learn and explore, Churchill earned a Nobel Prize in Literature, was the painter of 535 canvases, chose instead to follow his convictions, not partisanship and even after his death (at the age of 90), he still is a pillar of what is possible no matter what you are up against.  For a boy whose father forever felt he would be a failure, Winston Churchill was the farthest thing from such a description.

With his quote above, he reveals something so many try to avoid, especially women.  And I say that because so many times it seems that women are trying to keep the peace, to be the mediator, avoid confrontation, but I believe that in being liked by everyone, we allow ourselves to vanish and become anything depending on whoever we are with.

While it is true, we must pick our battles, I do believe that we must be willing to stand up for those ideals and rights that we find fundamental to a better way of life, to doing a job most productively, and to anything else that without deteriorates at the core our ability to live our best life.

How we go about standing up for what we value is almost as important as what we are standing up for.  We must broach the subject (whether it be with our colleagues, loved ones or community) in a way that is based in sound reasoning (not just because that’s the way it was done when I was growing up, etc), respectfully and good faith. 

We also, upon making the decision to stand up for what we believe in, must realize that we may lose some once thought to be coveted relationships. However, if we are being truthful, and if what we are standing up for is a priority to the foundation of how we live, than this is a reality that we must be prepared to accept.

Having said all of this, I would also advise continual education and updating on what it is that you believe in, and even more importantly, to research the other side no matter how deeply you disagree with it.  For understanding concretely exactly what the opposing argument may be, you are able to create an even sounder argument for your position.  And who knows, you may discover something you hadn’t realized that potentially changes your opinion of the other side for better or for worse. 

The key is to always seek knowledge, keep an open mind and once you have done this, you can stand firmly behind what you believe knowing you have done it with a clear and sound mind with valid reasons.

As Churchill teaches us, no matter what your situation, no matter how many times you are shoved aside, never allow cynicism to detour you, always believe that things can improve if you have the courage to do the dirty work and never stop learning, reading and trying new things.

Images: (1) Encore! This (2) Sebastian (3) Oh Fashion Model (4) Southern Sophisticate

Tap Into Your Gifts

“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening, that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and will be lost.”

-Martha Graham

It may seem at times that the thoughts each of us ponder, the feelings each of us feel are not unique due to the mass number of the world population.  It may seem at times that we are not unique, people may even try to manipulate us to accept this idea.  It may seem at times that we have nothing new to give the world that has not already been bequeathed, but in all of these cases we would be wrong, thankfully, very, very wrong.

The combination of ideas, talents, place of residence, experience, education, age, gender and physical attributes, along with so many other variables, is something that disproves the assumptions listed above.

What I want to impress today as we all begin the week is that we must not shy away from or stop the continual search to be the full extent of what we have been gifted to become – such a combination that no one else will ever possess it. The expression that is uniquely each of ours in which Martha Graham(world renowned modern dance choreographer) speaks of is something that we must share, we must tap into, we must seek and then embrace.

Do you have an ear for music that you can’t explain, and perhaps others take for granted?  Can you discern almost instantaneously the flavors in any meal you taste? Is  your body able to contort in ways that others are simply befuddled by?  Do you have an ability to read others’ actions and intentions even when they can’t explain them for themselves? Don’t assume everyone has these gifts.  Accept your gift, improve upon it and offer it as a way to improve the world you live in. 

Often times, it becomes much easier to succumb to what everyone else expects from us, what the zeitgeist accepts and doesn’t question, but that doesn’t mean it sits well with each of us. I have spoke of this idea before, of being our own guide, and I can’t stress strongly enough how contentment and true fulfillment is attainable by finding the courage and strength to listen to what you may know right now, but can’t explain.  In the case that you can’t explain it, but truly do believe you have potential in, I encourage you to educate yourself, fine tune your skills and abilities, seek out the coaching or mentoring of someone who is an expert in the field you desire to be a part of.

For while hard work is an absolute requirement, so is passion, love and belief that each one of us has something special to offer if we are willing to follow our talents, follow that uniqueness that resides within each one of us and be strong enough to say, “Others may not understand why I believe so wholeheartedly, but right now, I need to trust myself and put forth the work that is necessary to amplify my gifts.”

Cling to this uniqueness, grab hold of the opportunity and polish it up, beef it up with the proper foundation and let what you do best be revealed authentically.

“Don’t aim for success if you want it; just do what you love and believe in, and it will come naturally.”

Have a beautiful and inspired Monday.

Images: (1) Vogue and coffee (2) Vogue and Coffee (3) Oh Fashion Model (4) Vogue and Coffee

How To Create Opportunities

“When you dream, do you dream about playing great against an average team? . . . No!  When you dream, you dream about playing your best against the best. . . And now, this is your opportunity to make that dream a reality . . . pulling together, seeing it in your own mind before it ever happens. And do you know how it ends in your dream? You’re jumping for joy, you are happy and you’re having more fun than you’ve ever had before. But I’m telling you, the dream will not even compare to [the reality].”

-Jim Larranaga

Someone recently made the comment to me that while opportunities are great, the requirement that they present themselves is necessary in order to be successful. I had to chuckle a bit because what I observed instantly in that statement was the inability to take responsibility for making opportunities occur. 

I truly believe that luck is when opportunity and preparation meet, but I think what is left out of this statement is that we have to go grab the opportunities.  We have to make them a reality.  We have to show ourselves worthy of said opportunities.  We can’t sit idly by and hope that they will land in our lap, because more times than not, this doesn’t happen.

When I came upon the quote above over the weekend, I felt it encapsulated perfectly what those extra necessary ingredients are in order to achieve our dreams.

First, you have to believe that it’s possible. For example, I can look at all of my colleagues where I work and see how their attitudes become a prophecy for what will occur for the students in their classroom.  Those teachers who believe that they will have successful students, who are willing to put forth the time on creating new curriculum or updating their old curriculum, who are strong enough to hold students accountable to achieving high standards and who truly believe that things can change for the better, are also the members of our staff who have great success rates (maybe not every time, but more times than not).  And consequently, the opposite is true as well for those who have lost confidence in having hope and can’t believe they can create something better.

I can’t reiterate enough how the attitude, the vision, you bring with you to the table of making your dreams happen dictates your success. Charles R. Swindoll’s dictum holds so much truth:

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

Second, setting a goal is about challenging yourself, not making it easy for yourself.  Now in setting the bar quite high, might force you to take a few steps back (in the form of lessons from stumbling) in order to soar successfully over the hurdle that is in front of you, but with passion for what you are doing and a determined spirit, the ability to reach your dream is possible.

Third, having a clear vision of what the dream is is paramount in achieving it successfully.  As I spoke a few weeks ago about focus, this disciplined concentration is what will keep you on track so that you aren’t distracted by other demands on your time that present themselves to take you off your path.

And lastly, by chasing your dreams, by not letting them out of your sight and by being willing to take the risks and chances that may cause you to land flat on your face (hopefully so, because that means you are falling forward), you create opportunities.You create what so many others believe in, accurately so, will simply occur.

Opportunities occur when we refuse to be denied.  Opportunities occur when we aren’t deterred by a slip. Opportunities occur when we are open to many different avenues for making the impossible possible.

By keeping these things in mind – a positive attitude, setting the bar high and having a clear vision – upon reaching your dream, it will be greater than you had ever imagined – partly because you are experiencing it with all of your senses, but more so because you can appreciate all that went into making it a reality, thus not taking it for granted.

Have a beautiful start to this first week of spring and may you step forward today with the belief in yourself that you will be successful with the discipline to remain focused.

Images: (1) We Heart It (2) Source (3) Southern Sophisticate (4) We Heart It

What Will Your Legacy Be?

“If we’re following our passions, every decision will teach us how to be better at being ourselves, which will allow us to be the master of our own lives.”

-Oprah Winfrey (a lesson learned from Condoleezza Rice)

We are what we do. We will be remembered for what we leave behind.  Long after we are gone, what will each of us be remembered for? Whatever it is, whatever springs to mind immediately upon uttering our names, is the legacy we have created while we were living.

So what legacy are you leaving behind? I truly believe that no matter what religion one follows, or what spiritual path a person feels guides them, each one of us is responsible for leaving this place we call Earth a little better than when we found it.  How we improve upon what is already here is determined by what we are capable of doing and how we choose to coordinate our abilities with opportunities that present themselves.

The leaving of a legacy at first may seem like a weighty responsibility too difficult and burdening to contemplate, and due to this, many may choose to cast it aside and just live day to day appeasing their personal passions, but I believe it is in the meshing of these personal passions with philanthropic efforts that we will truly find great success, value and fulfillment.

 

It is in the helping of mankind whether it be one or millions that creates a legacy to be proud of.  It is in the determination to be the best at any given moment that gives way to a better result than what was found before the task initially commenced. It is in the thinking beyond ourselves and sharing our gifts with others that ultimately keeps us alive while we are still living and when our time has come.

Recently with the news in Japan and some saddening news I received about a colleague, I’ve been pondering the question of what can I do? What can each person do to make a difference, a real difference in this world? Because after all, so much of life is out of our control.

And the answer is, whatever you do, start today because before you know it today is tomorrow and yesterday is last year, and your efforts will have added up more than you could have imagined.  The question is what do you want to multiply during your time here on earth?

 

Do you want to see more hope, more goodness, more compassion, or acceptance, knowledge & awareness? Do you want to encourage, reward and support the way you believe life should be lived? Or do you want to waste time on what discourages you?  Truly, what you focus on multiplies.

Maybe it is just sitting down at night to read a story to your children instead of letting them go off and watch television by themselves before bed, or thanking someone for being thoughtful even in the simplest way, or choosing to approach each day with the intention of making at least someone’s day a bit brighter, by stating what you observe to be good work, or patting them on the back for what about their effort was appreciated. Reward what you deem valuable and it will be passed on twofold, sometimes more.

So today, think about what message your actions are saying to the world? Do they coincide with the world you’d like to one day see? After all, we are what we do because our actions determine our future and the world’s.

Have a beautiful Monday and have confidence that each step, no matter how small, if made in good faith, will reap a beautiful reward – whether we see it during our lifetime or it occurs down the road, trust that it will occur.

Images: (1) Musings In Femininity (2) Baroque Simplicity (3) Musings In Femininity  (4) Sebastian

Concentrate Your Power

“One reason so few of us achieve what we truly want is that we never direct our focus; we never concentrate our power. Most people dabble their way through life, never deciding to master anything in particular.”

-Tony Robbins

To maintain a focused approach with regards to any goal or dream you wish to attain is a simple, yet often forgettable concept.

In order to be great at something, you must put forth the effort, a tremendous amount of effort, in fact.  You must not be distracted by shiny objects or detours along the way.  You want to save up for down payment on a home? Money must be regularly saved, and if instead you choose to purchase a pair of “must-have” shoes of the moment, the goal of saving enough money to begin the process of home ownership will never be realized. Is it an impossible dream? No. Are there other things in life that present themselves as just as important? Yes. But who makes the decision to become distracted or remained squarely focused? You do, we all do.

I have been thinking about this concept a lot recently. After all, there are only 24 hours in a day and each of us is only one person.  The reality is we can’t have it all, at least not all at once. So instead of trying to accomplish everything, why not prioritize and remained focused on the top three or fewer items on your list? If you eliminate those wishes from your list that you could live without, that would be nice, but you wouldn’t regret not pursuing, you narrow your focus so that more energy is going in one direction. And the power of all cylinders going in the same direction is a very powerful force. 


Think about it this way, if your car is being pulled out of a ditch – trying to get it to move forward – yet the car is in reverse poised to go in the opposite direction, all the energy created is being cancelled out.  Your life is very much the same way. In order to be successful in achieving a dream, you must not spread your energy in multiple directions.

An accomplished pianist, plays repeatedly. An Olympic swimmer trains constantly to transform their body into an endurance temple.  A parent’s attention is on the proper rearing of their children. If this energy is dissipated and placed in other aspects of life in a significant capacity, success in the area mentioned above cannot occur.

“Most people have no idea of the giant capacity we can immediately command when we focus all of our resources on mastering a single area of our lives.”
-Tony Robbins

The focus that is necessary to attain large life goals is also something to keep in mind when attacking smaller tasks. Trying to create a wardrobe that is specific to your lifestyle and body type is something that also requires focus in order to be done successfully.  Once you know what items look best on you and which to avoid at all costs no matter what magazines may be saying, that focus will serve you well as it will allow you to look gorgeous, feel confident and self-assured. Multi-tasking is another example. Have you ever caught yourself doing more than two or three things at once and in the end nothing was done well? Focusing on one task at a time is a surefire way to complete a task so that it doesn’t have to be done again, and you are happy with the results.

So now is the decision-making part. What is it you want to focus on? What is it that you want to achieve: at the end of this month, this year, or in ten years? And what can you take off your plate so that you will be able to reach it using your maximum energy?

If you are concentrated, if you are indeed focused, great things await.

“Concentrate all your thoughts upon the work at hand. The sun's rays do not burn until brought to a focus.”

-Alexander Graham Bell

Images: (1)Oh Fashion Model 

Dealing With The Unknowns In Life

To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one's family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one's own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.

-Buddha

Fear of the unknown has a way of playing with our minds and causing us to become filled with fear, uncertainty, doubt and a build up of stress, but as Buddha is quoted above, this doesn’t have to be the case if we can control our thoughts.

Events that are outside of our control can create a sense of panic and fear of the unknown. The reality is the only thing we truly have control over one hundred percent of the time is how we carry ourselves, how we respond to each situation and how we perceive what is going on.

For example, when driving on a stretch of interstate we’ve never navigated before, one that is full of curves, hills and valleys, we are never quite sure what will be around the next corner, but just as we continue to drive forward to see what is around the bend, we must stride forward in our lives to see what it is we are facing. Only when we know what we are up against can we create a strategy to overcome it. 

After all, when we spend time worrying, it is a combination of knowing something is outside of our control and not having the experience or knowledge to be certain of what will occur. But what does worry really achieve? Nothing.

The moment you find yourself worrying about any given situation – a relationship, money, a job, etc – use it as an indicator to become more educated on what you don’t know.  Fearful of losing your job? Start acquiring more and necessary skills that are invaluable. Worried about retirement? Start cutting your spending and looking into how to better invest your money. Not sure you should trust someone? Slow down and get to know them better before you share yourself.

Knowledge and experience is power and immediately eliminates worry and the unknowns. It is true – we will never be able to control or know everything, but we can equip ourselves to the best of our ability by seeking out the necessary resources.

After you are well on the path to gaining as much experience and knowledge as you can, it is now your responsibility to control your thoughts. First and foremost, don’t create more problems, instead consistently practice habits that are moving you in a positive direction. Second, focus on today and doing your best in the moment.  No matter how mundane the task may be, do your best. Proceed with confidence even if you might be a bit unsure. Arthur Ashe reminds us that appearances have power:

“Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner. Even if you are behind, a sustained look of control and confidence can give you a mental edge that results in victory.”

And most importantly, if you do still have fear inside of you, use it to your benefit and not the other way around:

“A man who is master of himself can end a sorrow as easily as he can invent a pleasure. I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” –Oscar Wilde

And as long as you are (1) doing your best and (2) working to put yourself in the best position possible with knowledge and learning from past experiences, then you can let go because you are doing all that is in your power.  Ironically, the funny thing is, you will feel more in control when your palm is open expressing confidence than you will when you hold on with desperation.

“Control is never achieved when sought after directly. It is the surprising outcome of letting go.”

-James Arthur Ray

Have a beautiful Monday.

Image: pinterest

Discover Yourself And Set Yourself Free

“What we become depends on what we read after all of the professors have finished with us”

-Thomas Carlyle

Over the weekend, I had a very philosophical discussion with my mother (I love such talks, truly), and one of the topics that came up was reading, books and opportunity.

Fostering a love for reading is the most inexpensive way to travel the world, to expand your mind and consequently, to discover who you are and what you are passionate about.

The thing about reading is that it doesn’t end with school, it doesn’t end because the assignment is done; it truly is a pleasurable pursuit that stays with each of us long after the last page is read.
And I believe that is what makes reading so powerful. Not only are we learning about the plot that is unfolding or the history that has taken place while we are reading, but we are enhancing our vocabulary, picking up subconsciously how to construct sentences and how to be better conversationalists. The same certainly can’t be said for television. Reading is a multi-faceted pastime.

An opportunity to be freed from our circumstances comes the moment we immerse ourselves in any given book we are interested in. Truly, to be able to read is a gift. A gift, I have to be honest, I probably take for granted.  Because it is without question that, as S.I. Hayakawa reminds us,  “. . . people who have read good literature have lived more than people who cannot or will not read.”


As I think most readers of blogs would agree, reading exposes us to the world, so that we are not boxed in, confined to what someone else believes.  Instead we can make up our own mind, read multiple viewpoints, get to the bottom of something.  Reading provokes a curiosity that truly is a quality which aids in successfully living a full and contented life.  To be curious is to have an innate thirst for knowledge, and to have the peace of mind in knowing that if we can’t hop on a plane and visit the country of our dreams at any given moment, we can pick up a book that is set where we would some day like to be.

Upon reading my first classic piece of literature in high school, I can vividly remember saying to myself with unedited glee, “The author is speaking about life, I can apply this to my life!” And that was the moment, however elementary my thought process was then, that I fell in love with literature. Not only do books teach us about life, but what keeps me coming back and picking up book, after book, after book, is that they can teach so much about who we are, what we can become, what mistakes not to make, and so many times, what risks to take.

“Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body. It is wholesome and bracing for the mind to have its faculties kept on the stretch.”

-August Hare

Without question, the focus on being well-read should be viewed as equally, if not more importantly, as looking good when we peek at ourselves in the mirror because with intelligence, comes the ability to have a quick wit and an understanding that beauty fades and intelligence remains. 
Consequently, “Reading is a basic tool in the living of a good life.” Reading is a simple luxury.
Have a beautiful Monday and if you can, find time today to read something that you enjoy, but at the same time challenges you.

Images: (1) Source 

A Projection Of Goodness

“Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.”

-Leo F. Buscaglia

As children, most of us have heard the adage, “Treat others as you would wish to be treated.” As we grow and begin to live our lives by our own desires and needs, some continue to keep in mind that karma has a funny way of presenting itself to us when we least expect it – good or bad.  But when it comes right down to whether or not we decide to act on this initial life lesson of The Golden Rule, emotions tend to determine our actions.

It is in the managing of our emotions that ultimately will lead to a more fulfilling and stronger life.

“When we learn to manage our emotions long enough to stop and shift our attention to the quieter message of the heart, we can gain a wider perspective on any situation, often saving ourselves from hurt, frustration and pain.”

-Doc Childre and Howard Martin

This past weekend I had a very spontaneous conversation with one of my readers on this very issue, and we discussed it through our experience with animals – horses, to be more precise. As a young child, I had the opportunity to become an equestrian rider in both western and English and competed until my late teens. Throughout the course of this time, only two horses were my trusted steeds – Alamo and Foxy Flossie (they will forever be in my heart, I must mention them, I apologize.)

What I learned from this childhood opportunity was the expression of our true emotions is something that without monitoring can have unexpected results. If the rider is nervous, the horse senses it and exhibits challenging behaviors,  but if the rider is confident, the horse is well aware of who is control and can produce amazing performances.


Let me now share an example from my professional life. As high school teacher, there unfortunately have been a handful of tragic incidents that have occurred during my tenure, and while dealing with teenagers who immediately feed off the energy around them, as most of them are at a point in their lives where monitoring emotions is something that they haven’t had a lot of practice with, the teacher immediately has an effect to either comfort or agitate their pupils.

The same is true for parenting, whether you are a teacher in the classroom or a parent at home, children feed off and respond to the emotions that are present around them. If a teacher, or a parent in a trying situation, is able to calming settle things, focus on what can be done and manage their own emotions effectively, the environment around them will be positively affected.  The reverse is also true.


I am by no means saying hide your emotions.  I wholeheartedly believe in expressing your emotions but through means that are healthy – exercise, journaling, therapy, a chat or over coffee – and do so when the time is appropriate.  Understanding these two steps when it comes to emotions I believe is the difference between growing up and simply be called an adult. The former is an choice, an action, and the other is just a fact of physiology and legality.


To bring this concept to our every day lives, have you ever noticed that when you are having a good day, those around you tend to be friendlier? Or, when your day is completely off kilter, things just never seem to change throughout the course of the day?  While yes, some things may be out of your control, I can’t help but believe that it all comes back to the energy we put out into the world.
Whether or not you believe in karma, treating the people you see, live with,work with, run into, and are pampered by with genuine kindness, a brightening smile and a sincere compliment when deserved won’t hurt anybody.

“Tenderness and kindness are not signs of weakness and despair but manifestations of strength and resolution”

–Kahlil Gibran

Because the way I see it, we live in a social world. We deal with people. People have emotions, and while it may not seem logical to hire, or ask out on a date, the lesser qualified on paper candidate, if that said person is more enjoyable to be around and makes us feel better about ourselves, thereby strengthening us, why wouldn’t we want to be around them?

Have a beautiful Monday and may the energy you put out into the world this week be what you would want to be surrounded by.

Images: (1) pinterest

Let Passion Be Your Fuel

 “I think it’s the passion for what you do… and you finding something that you can be true to… something that’s really close to who you are as a person.

You have to have PASSION for what you do… I LOVE it.” - Jay-Z to Oprah in response to his success

Sweat, toil and tears isn’t always necessary for a life of success, but hard work is. It may seem at first that you can’t do one of the above without the other occurring, but I disagree. The ingredient to this equation of hard work changes dramatically if the hard work you are putting in involves doing something you are passionate about.

Passion has an almost numbing attribute to it. Numbing in the sense that it doesn’t hurt, the effort isn’t painfully given, all time seems to disappear as the habit of checking the clock is deleted from your memory. Think about it. If you are a gardener – you can spend hours digging in the dirt and not realize the length of time that has flown by. If you are a writer, you can sit typing away, jotting down thoughts until your eyelids decide you must get some sleep.  If you are a lover of nature, you can sit and enjoy a pristine lake in the early hours of the day and pay no mind to having to wake up so early. And if you are someone who loves to shop and pull a variety of outfits together, well . . . need I say more?

Let me first clarify by saying that I couldn’t agree more with Jay-Z’s quote. Yes, in order to achieve something great, something of extraordinary accomplishment, hard work must be put into it. But just as an immense amount of fuel must be put into a Boeing 747 in order for it to travel safely across an ocean, if you are passionate about what you are doing, passion is what will propel you to continue to spend those untold hours that you don’t get rewarded monetarily for in the beginning. And to you, spending time immersed in your passion will be a release, it will be fulfilling in a way you’ve never felt before, a way of expressing yourself because you couldn’t imagine doing anything else. Because once you discover your passion, it is a fire that burns inside of you that pushes you to do more than you could have ever at first imagined.

If you are at a point in your life where you feel you don’t know what your passion is or you feel, when you really think about it, something or someone else has determined what you should be passionate about, take the time to explore. Listen to you heart, let your gut guide you and try the things that are interesting to you. An example I observed in my life was my brother – he could spend hours, many times an entire day on the golf course without realizing morning had turned to dusk in seemingly a blink of an eye (well, except to know when to go to the clubhouse to get a sandwich) and I have to say, I couldn’t be prouder of him for pursuing a life as a golf pro because it is what he is truly passionate about. 

You may not know why certain ideas and/or events/tasks are interesting, but for some reason they grab your attention. For example, in an interview this past weekend Paula Abdul shared that at the age of four when she saw Singing in the Rain on television for the time, she was immediately drawn to Gene Kelly. She became mesmerized. Now what good, sound reason would cause her to be drawn to something she had never seen before at such a young, yet unedited age? Something spoke to her. But the key here is, she was listening (and in this case, her parents were as well).

What speaks to you? What do you love to do, even if nobody else understands? So what if they don’t understand. View it as your very own scavenger hunt and pursue it, try new things, take new classes, introduce yourself to people in positions that intrigue you.  Don’t be shy.  This is your life and you just lost another minute.

While the work trying to discover what your passion is may bring toil and tears, once you discover it, only tears of joy will fall down. Trust me.

Shine Beautifully Despite The Darkness

  

“People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.”

-Elizabeth Kubler Ross 

Nobody wishes and hopes to run up against obstacles and challenges in their life. Partly because we don’t know when they will pop up, and partly because, by definition, the solution for overcoming them isn’t easy to figure out or easy to implement.

As mentioned before, the beauty in these challenges is that it truly is an opportunity, but before that opportunity is revealed, the test is presented, the challenge, to see your true character, your true stamina, your willingness to buckle down and conquer the obstacle temporarily in your path – or permanently, depending on your what resides within you.

Similar to the analogy mentioned in the quote above, a person’s true character can be revealed when their luggage doesn’t arrive at their destination or when a major drain in the house becomes clogged or when the Christmas tree lights become tangled. Either you have a defeatist attitude or a get-it-done attitude, and you and I both know which one will be more successful and more pleasant to be around.

No matter how you have handled situations in the past – good or bad, how you handle the next obstacle is a choice you, and you alone, have the opportunity to make in the moment.  Depending on how we observed others handle tough situations as a child, we often model their behavior as young adults especially if the behavior was successful.  However, if the behavior was not successful, yet if we haven’t seen other options, we may not know how to handle difficult predicaments. 

The true beauty you reveal during times of struggle is a choice.  We all have the potential, the ingredients, to exude beautiful light.  It starts with the belief that there is a solution for every problem, it just might not be a solution you would have expected.  Once you accept that every problem can be solved, your creative wheels begin to turn, you begin to seek out help from those you trust, or books by authors who are reputable, and you refuse to give in.

Some dark moments are darker than others, and it might be that a bad choice has placed in you the situation you are in.  In such an instance, use this as an lesson to never repeat the same mistake. The solution in this case may be to take your punishment and not be bailed out so as to not lose the lesson and forge a different path.

Whatever it is that turns the sunlight out for a moment in your life, beam brightly, dig in and solve it. The initial first step sometimes is the most difficult part, but once you get your hands dirty and start seeing gradual results you begin to realize that you can get back to the sunshine.

Images: (1) Source (2) The Neo Traditionalist (3) Source

With Balance And Determination

“Don’t be fearful of living up to your dream.”

Restless. You know the feeling I’m talking about. Your mind won’t turn off, you keep running through scenarios in your head, you can’t seem to sit still.

I believe we all have the potential to reach our dreams if we only have the courage to pursue them, but in not doing so, the best version of ourselves continues to be masked. The feeling of restlessness that was mentioned above is actually a good sign, believe it or not.  A sign that your dreams want to come into fruition.

The easiest thing to do is to succumb to fear and let your dreams slowly drift away. Often times not knowing how our dreams will be accomplished freezes the dreamer and stunts their potential growth.

Here is something to keep in mind, it is okay to not know how you will get there as long as you are continually doing small tasks that put you in a more favorable position to be successful in the arena of your dreams.

“Pick what it is you love, and the success will come because you’re gonna work that much harder at it.”

With each bit of effort, the painting slowly begins to turn into a piece of art. And as the picture gradually comes together, so does your confidence. “Each new step becomes a little surer, and each new grasp a little firmer.”

While it is a good idea to do your research in the field you are interested in and become knowledgeable of other’s success stories, keep in mind that each person will find their own way to success. Even two people such as Barbara Walters and Oprah Winfrey, who have each made very successful names for themselves in for the most part the same business – television/hosting,  went about making their names in different ways. One had a prominent family name to help get the ball rolling and make connections, while the other began from the ground up.  Don’t get me wrong, each of these women paid their dues and then some, but my point is even as Oprah dreamed of being Barbara Walters, she had to carve her own path to get there.

"Some people are settling down, some people are settling and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies."

-Carrie Bradshaw

So whether it be in love or your life passions, my advice today is to remain restless, don’t squash this feeling because it is your dream trying to tell you to chase it, to make it your reality. Don’t settle for what someone else says you should attain in life, capture your dream making it a reality that makes you realize the success you knew you could acquire. Because after all,

“Happiness comes when you have balance and success.”

Steadily go forward with a little blind faith, a strong determination and an undying passion, and you, while remaining in balance, will discover your much earned success.

Images: (1) Source (2) Oh Fashion Model (3) Source (4) That Girl In Pearls

Trusting Your Instincts

“It’s a funny thing about decisions. You don’t seem to need to have to talk yourself into the right one.”

-Tom Selleck’s character in Blue Bloods on CBS

Whether it is that moment when you can’t stop pretending that you’re in the wrong relationship any longer, or when you know you shouldn’t pull out your credit card yet again, or whether you should take a chance on something that your heart leaps at with only the mere mention of the opportunity regardless of whether anyone else understands your enthusiasm, the right decision doesn’t come with hesitation.

A moment in which a decision must be made is a point where you are not blind-sided with the information. In the case of a blindside, you may react impulsively, later regretting your response. Conversely, when asked point blank to choose one thing or another, you’ve generally had some time to make some precursory observations and don’t have to convince yourself of anything. Upon being asked which option you will choose, listening to your gut is mandatory.

Wrong decisions are made all of the time and are opportunities for personal growth, but take a moment to reflect upon those ill-fated choices. Were they made out of fear (click here to discover what exactly your fear is telling you)? Were they made out wanting to please or not hurt someone? Or were they made out of naiveté? If they were determined by anything more than your internal instincts, you were listening to the wrong source.

There isn’t solid proof that the guidance of gut instincts is free from failure, but with time and much practice of listening to you inner voice, each of us can become well-versed in the voice of our gut.

In an article found in the New York Times, the term gut instinct can be defined as “. . . a judgment that is fast. It comes quickly into a person’s consciousness. The person doesn’t know why they have this feeling. Yet, this is strong enough to make an individual act on it.” Dr. Gerd Gigernezer goes on to say that one’s gut instincts come from fine tuning “through time, experience and evolution.” So by practicing the art of listening to your gut feelings, you are preserving the likelihood that you will make sounder decisions in the future that are right for you.

Now, if you’ve never paid any mind to your gut, the decision-making process could potentially be rocky as you begin, but trust me, repeated practice, as with almost anything else in life, will eventually yield the desired results.  An example that comes to mind is the advice many teachers give to students who are about to take a test, “go with the answer you initially jumped to before you started doubting yourself.”  The catch here is that this only works if the student has studied the content he/she is being asked about.

Another example comes to mind in the dating world. For a young woman who has never been on a date or immersed herself romantically with the opposite sex, she has nothing to base her impressions on.  While she may receive certain vibes, she at that moment is just building her foundation for what she will later base her decisions on in the future. Or better yet, for a young teenager who is just getting her feet wet in the world of fashion, she may not now what is most flattering on her, but with time, practice and a lot of experimenting, she will become very savvy.  In other words, give your gut instincts time to develop. With anything worth achieving, it takes time.