Why Not . . . Eliminate the Drama?

The drama queen. There always seems to be at least one in every class of high school, and she always seems to be able to garner attention whenever someone else’s was shining a bit too brightly, or when the spotlight on her was beginning to dim.

Whether from a distance or someone you knew more directly, you probably can recall this type of person and the type of behaviors that they regularly exhibit. Behaviors perhaps were arguments, or filthy, hurtful rumors or pretending to know something that everyone else would want to know – in other words, they loved having the power – the attention – of those around them.

But such behavior is draining of valuable finite energy for the people who choose to spend time with this person, and it certainly is exhausting for the drama queen herself. After all, if she’s spending time concocting falsehoods and intriguing, yet pointless bits of information, when is she able to find time for things that really matter?

I think it is safe to say, drama in our lives is not an attribute of a well-lived life. Even though the drama queens may have raised their ugly heads in our youth, such people still exist in adulthood unfortunately, and it is up to each one of us to refuse to get sucked into their web.

How to Eliminate Drama

1. Change what you talk about

“Great minds discuss ideas; average minds discuss events; small minds discuss people.” –Eleanor Roosevelt

2. Keep some things to yourself

While it’s good to have mystery and maintain your privacy, it’s also important to not share everything with people you don’t know all that well. Instead, when with others, follow #3.

3. Be observant

We gain knowledge by observing, not by talking (unless we are asking questions of course). So choose to observe others’ behaviors and tendencies because as we all know, actions speak much louder than words ever will.

4. Create healthy boundaries

Personal information should remain personal. In other words, if you don’t trust that someone will be able to keep information private, don’t share it with them.

5. Take time to assess

Before jumping to conclusions and assuming the worst, take a step back so that you can gather your emotions and let them calm down. Then with a clear head, evaluate the situation by putting yourself in the other person’s shoes.  By doing this, you will be better able to make a sound decision that you won’t regret in the future.

6. Learn how to let off steam in a healthy manner

We all get upset. After all, we are human, but take the time to monitor how you feel and what makes you feel that way when you become angry, jealous, defensive, etc. Then look for ways to healthily let go because bottling it up won’t help either. Maybe it is journaling, talking to a trusted friend, running or weeding your garden. Whatever activity helps you release the negative emotions, partake in it before you do something you might regret.

7. Be proactive

Often part of the reason emotions run high and in a negative direction is because we are emotionally exhausted due to either over-scheduling or constantly placing ourselves in situations that are not healthy. Whether it is taking on too many responsibilities or spending time with people who constantly make you feel bad about yourself, choose in advance how much time you really have to offer and who you spend your time with as a way to reduce negative emotions and exhaustion.

8. Learn to say no

When you know what you can do, and what will enhance your life, it becomes much easier to say no to things that will not be beneficial. While no one wants to hear “no”, using this power is a way of respecting yourself.

9. Assume the best

Eliminate the cynic that wants to raise its ugly head and assume the best until you have all of the facts. Yes, you will get your heartbroken or be disappointed at times, but, as my dad reminded me, wouldn’t you rather want to make the mistake of expecting something wonderful instead of the alternative?

10. Spend time with positive people

The simplest way to reduce drama is to spend time with people who shun it as well. In other words, seek out positive, supportive people. I’ve mentioned it many times on the blog, but we are a product of our environments, and the more we accept this, the more we accept responsibility for choosing better scenarios to place ourselves in. A great book to read on this subject is Situations Matter by Sam Sommers.

The beauty of eliminating drama comes in the form of living a more fulfilling, pleasure-filled life. Below are a few minutes that immediately came to my mind:

Benefits of Eliminating Drama

1. Build respectful relationships
2. Reduce stress
3. Create stability
4. Increase positive energy
5. More productivity
6. Build self-confidence
7. Reduce cynicism
8. Cultivate loving relationships
9. Increase in creativity
10. Ability to focus on what really matters



In conclusion, the life we create for ourselves is determined by the attitudes we embody, the people we surround ourselves with and the way we spend our time. Choose wisely.

Listen to what lifts you up and inspires you, and pay close attention to what tears you down or belittles your confidence. Run to the former and run from the latter. Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone.

Why Not . . . Unplug?

As a blogger, it may sound odd that I am offering up the idea of unplugging from technology, but even someone like me who is constantly looking at a computer screen, checking my smart phone for email and reading newspaper articles on my iPad knows that I function best when I put it down every once in awhile.

The benefits of our hyper-connected society are numerous, and I certainly am not complaining as it allows us all the option of working from home or wherever we prefer to be, remain in contact no matter where our lives may take us and have access to endless amounts of information with the simple touch of a button. However, I would like to suggest to you today to find time weekly or at least monthly to unplug. Carve out time to distance yourself from technology and remind yourself that somehow we did survive not too long ago with landline phones and snail mail to communicate.

While I have a feeling some of you are already on board with this suggestion, more of you may agree, but believe it isn’t possible. Let me share with you the benefits, some obvious and some not so obvious, that I’d like you to consider before you dismiss the idea altogether.

1. An opportunity to recharge. We are not machines, therefore, we cannot function like machines. Our minds, our eyes, our bodies need to take a break.  Just as our bodies need sleep every night to rejuvenate, so too do our minds.

2. High quality work vs. mediocre output. Upon turning off your many devices and leaving them out of your reach, your creativity will start to flow, you will give yourself an opportunity to be in different situations where technology would be a hindrance or unhelpful and ideas will start to percolate, fabulous discussions will begin to occur and you will more likely than not be filled with fantastic ideas to take back to you work.  By limiting how long you are connected, you force yourself to be productive and not waste time, and in your down time away from technology, you are free to let your mind wander.

3. Reduction in anxiety. If you are clear to those you work with and for that you will not be available 24-hours a day and you stick to your guns, you will be amazed how eventually they will learn to only contact you if they want an immediate response during your desired hours. As long as you communicate clearly and follow through, you will eliminate the anxiety you may feel when you choose to power off, knowing that they know you will return at a specific time.

4. Peace and quiet. The balance that I so often speak about is hard to attain when your devices are constantly “dinging”, “singing”, or “ringing”. Perhaps the better solution is to turn off your alerts and only check your email and calendars once or twice a day, but regardless, get away from the sound and the device all together and let your mind relax in a tranquil environment.

5. Strengthen your focus. While convenient, our high-tech world has shortened our attention span which ultimately reduces opportunities for quality experiences.  If we don’t allow our minds time to think analytically and digest all that we are observing one experience at at time, we are robbing ourselves of the ability to reach our full potential.

6. Strengthen relationships. I mentioned last week in the newsletter that for my birthday we rendezvoused out of town to a resort in the country leaving behind our laptops and knowingly staying in a room without television.  It was fabulous! Time was forgotten about and long bouts of reading and conversing occurred. Needless to say, we focused on what was important and chose to control the technology that we appreciate instead of letting it control us.

Now initially, you may have tech-withdrawals. This is normal and to be expected, but what I believe you will find is that the more you unplug and the longer the time is that you remain unplugged you will actually come to covet your time, space and privacy.  In fact, an errant cell phone ring may feel very annoying. This is good.  This is very good.

Choose to use technology to maintain relationships, not build them, and instead choose to build relationship with face to face communication or experiences shared together. Understand that virtual isn’t reality, but it can aid the reality that you wish to create. Once you learn what technology can do for you, make sure that it doesn’t have control over you. The key is to be its master and not the other way around.

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