The Gift of Starting Over

"That's exactly where you want to be: steeped to your eyebrows in failure. It's a good place to be because failure is where success likes to hide in plain sight. Everything you want out of life is in . . . failure. The trick is to get the good stuff out." - Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert

A fresh start. A clean slate. A second chance. 

Perhaps a relationship has ended, or you have relocated to a new city. Or maybe, you are starting a new job, redecorating a room in your home, reorganizing your files or simply pressing the reset button on any aspect of your life that hasn't been working or didn't work out as you had hoped. 

While beginning from scratch can feel as though you are a novice again, in reality, you are more of an expert than you realize, should you choose to use your powers. 

When you begin again you bring with you the wisdom of what did and did not work, the insight of knowing how something will turn out in particular circumstances and the ability to not waste precious time and energy doing something that won't provide the results you seek. 

Cartoonist Scott Adams reiterates in his article in the WSJ that failure is a tool, not an outcome. So indeed, there is a grand gift in starting over. 

How to Start Over Successfully

1. Take Time to Assess

Take the time before moving forward yet again to assess in detail what went well, what didn't work and why. Write your insights down so that during times of frustration in any new endeavors, you can remind yourself how to overcome the roadblocks that stood in your way the last time. Even a simple change such as switching from a PC to a Mac, begin with assessment to ensure a successful path forward. Write down what went wrong that impeded your ability to work efficiently on your computer. What do you want to make sure your new computer is capable of doing? 

2. Be Clear 

As you begin again, be clear about what your expectations are. For example, using the computer analogy, "I need a computer that functions properly without wasting my time".  Then, be willing to be flexible about how you get there.  Maybe the computer won't be the size you want because of your budget, but it still offers what you need for productivity. Or maybe you will have to leave the PC world and move to a Mac, or remain with Mac despite your expectations. The key is to know what you need, versus what you want. Knowing the difference will reduce unnecessary headaches and help you achieve your goals at a faster pace. Read this post for inspiration. 

3. Have Patience

Simply because you've learned some valuable lessons, does not mean the new journey you commence will be free of frustrations. For example, even if the new job is one that you've worked towards for years, there will still be a learning curve in understanding the new work environment. Have patience with yourself and don't throw in the towel too quickly. I have come to define such initial headaches as checkpoints assessing whether or not we are willing to be where we've so longed to be. Trust me, just like learning the new operating system of a new high performing computer, it will be worth it when you know how everything works. 

4. Remember the Paradox "Great reward, involves great risk." or "In order to earn money, you have to spend money."

Both of these maxims are indeed true. In order to change our circumstances, we must venture into the unknown in order to live a different life from what we know today. And when we have the opportunity to start over, it means we are essentially taking a life test - did we learn the lessons offered in order to turn the next opportunity into what it is we seek?

5. Keep Your Courage

The moments of doubt are greatest when we make the initial leap of change - when we do something different from what we've done in the past - putting the down payment on your first home, saying "I do", or taking a loan out for your own business.  It is in such moments that you must hang on to the courage it took you to make the initial mistake that provided the lesson. That courage is always there waiting to be tapped, and each time to learn the lesson and pick yourself up to try it again differently and better than before, your strength of courage increases. 

Having the opportunity to do something again is the opportunity to do it better and to tailor it to exactly as you'd prefer. Not everything in life offers a second chance. After all, we only get to be 18 once, 34 once, 50 once, and so on. But regardless of our age, when we get the chance to improve, don't be discouraged by the mistakes in past relationships, past employment, money management or anything that has tripped you up to dog you. Choose to turn the coal into diamonds and be amazed at what life is wanting to reward you with. 

 

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~12 Ways to Learn the Lesson

~Using Failures as Guideposts to Success

~Perfectionist vs. High Achiever - The Difference

 

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Why Never Giving Up is the Best Idea

“Nothing in the world can take the place of perseverance.
Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent.
Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost legendary.
Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts.
Perseverance and determination alone are omnipotent.”

~ U.S. President Calvin Coolidge

As a young girl growing up, I was surrounded by towering mountains in Wallowa County. Mountains full of trails to traverse and high lakes to be enjoyed. So you can imagine, with one said mountain top being Ruby Peak nearly knocking at my parents’ backdoor, of course, I clocked a few hours hiking.

In the middle of a journey on a new trail, all I could see was a few feet behind me (where I’d been) and as far ahead as the next switchback. Sometimes the hike up would be a couple of miles and in a few rare instances it was closer to eight or ten. Either way, with a new trail comes the unknown of just when that beautiful, pristine lake would peer around the next bend to welcome me. However, each adventure I took up the mountain didn’t end until I reached my destination.

Upon savoring the beauty of either the deep blues of the water or surreal vantage points of the highest point, the return trip provided certainty. I knew how many switchbacks there would be. I remembered the creek that had to be hopped across, and I also knew when I’d see my car at the bottom – no uncertainty. But you see, it wasn’t until I made the initial journey that I could appreciate all that lead me to where I wanted to go.

Each one of us is on a journey, and based on the many emails I receive from you, my readers, I know that many of you are in the middle of striving toward the goal you have set for yourself. Whether it’s a professional or personal goal, working towards a promotion or strengthening your relationship, I genuinely believe so long as you are heading in the right direction, never giving up is the best idea.
Why? Let me explain.


1. Tomorrow hasn’t been written yet. You just might be surprised what is waiting to present itself to you. While the history books have all be written, the future has yet to reveal itself. And while we would like to predict what will happen or hope against hope what we don’t want to materialize, nobody really knows for sure what tomorrow will bring.  All we can do is put our best foot and efforts forward each and every day and let the cards fall where they may. All the more reason to never give up so that regrets have no soil from which to grow.

2. The only way to make the world a better place is to never give up on what it can become. I refuse to believe that anything is impossible. Change is possible, but it is not going to come easy. Nothing ever worth having ever has. So you might get tired, you may become doubtful that things will work out, your relationship may be going through a rough patch, but the only way any one of these scenarios has a chance is if you refuse to give up.

3. Don’t believe the nay-sayers. The nay-sayers have already given up, so the negativity that they perceive will remain for them in their world because they’ve thrown up their hands. You, on the other hand, will see a different world because your efforts will magnify the positive and hone in on what is possible so long as you refuse to give up.

4. Real happiness (which I define as contentment) is worth the effort. If you’re not happy, you do not have to accept this state of existing. You can change your state of mind, thus changing your world. You can change your environment so long as you are willing to do something different than what landed you in the situation you are in now. It will take work, willingness to learn and ability to take constructive criticism, but you deserve to find real happiness (contentment) so long as you put in the effort.

5. You are unique. Stop comparing yourself to others. Just because someone else has tried what you are attempting to do and didn’t succeed, doesn’t mean your fate will be the same. And just because someone’s success came about a particular way, doesn’t mean yours will follow that exact same path. Every individual has different experiences that have molded them into the person they are today and no one but that particular individual knows their back story. In other words, you are unique. Once you accept this, you will understand that your story will be like no one else’s so long as you refuse to give up.

6. Reach your full potential. Having ambition is not a horrible quality. In fact, it should be an admirable quality. However, while admired and appreciated by some, it can also unfortunately build up envy by those who aren’t willing to put in the time and exhausting hours. Defined as “a strong desire to do or to achieve something, typically requiring determination and hard work”, Shakespeare’s depiction of Julius Caesar’s downfall supposedly caused by having ambition is discovered to actually be what was most envied about him from those who assassinated him. The most important thing to remember is that each one of us has the ability to achieve our potential so long as we put in the incalculable hours toward reaching our goals – writing a novel, building a strong, supportive, loving and respectful family, being accepted into and earning a full tuition scholarship to the college of our dreams. Each of our dreams can be achieved so long as you refuse to give up.

7. Be an example and inspiration for others. As a child I can remember a few people who I looked up to and being amazed at what they were able to do – Michael Jordan’s basketball skills, a favorite English teacher’s smashing wardrobe (just to name a few) – and while they may have never even known who I was or that I was impressed, they left a permanent impression on me. See, that’s the extra gift that we often forget about as we’re charging forward toward our dreams. Someone may be watching and may be more inspired than you realize by what you are determined to do. And when you achieve whatever it is that you are after, they will believe that they can achieve it too. Refuse to give up.

“Continuous effort - not strength or intelligence is the key to unlocking our potential.” ~Winston Churchill

As you continue to climb that mountain in search of what you seek, be reassured by the fact that just because you don’t know when the beautiful destination will reveal itself, doesn’t mean it won’t. Keep hiking.

~Similar posts you might also enjoy from the archives:

*Why Not . . . Invest in Your Dreams?

*The Perfect Couple

*Easy is Never Appreciated

*Why Not . . . Have Patience?

*Little by Little, Grand Things Are Achieved 

Images: (1) pinterest 

8 Ways to be More Courageous

"Courage is an angel that makes the difference between a good life and a great life."

- Fairly Legal

Rosa Parks. Mahatma Gandhi. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Jackie Robinson. Alice Paul. The unknown rebel standing in front of Chinese tanks in Tiananmen Square.

Each one of these individuals stepped out of their comfort zone to stand up for what they believed was the right thing to do regardless of a lack of popular support or having a clear position of power.  Each of these incidents dealt with civil liberties and a desire for justice that demanded the mustering up of courage and the willingness to place themselves in a situation where the outcome would be unknown. Due to the stance that each of these courageous people took they helped make the world a bit more accepting, a bit more just, and a bit more humane.

While these were grand and impressive acts of courage, let us not dismiss how we too can live courageously to improve our lives. After all, one must practice being courageous and be willing to step up to the plate whenever a moment presents itself, and being able to step up to the plate only gets easier with practice on smaller matters first. If we want a life of our dreams, rather than a life that is presented to us that we decide to settle for, we must live courageously.

How to be Courageous:

1. Read, read, read. Gain knowledge. Knowing something and having a credible source (or more - which is preferred) will build your confidence about what you know to be true.

2. Stop procrastinating and give it a try. Do your best. Learn from the results of that first attempt and do not become discouraged.

3. Face what you fear. Look it in the eye and determine what exactly it is that you are afraid of. Rejection? Being laughed at? Not being accepted? Often our fears are telling us what we desire the most in our lives, and it is up to us to listen to this internal message and follow that yearning.

4. Take a step outside of your comfort zone. By being open to meeting new people, visiting a new city that you don't know but are curious about, changing up your routine a bit or having a taste of something that you assumed wouldn't be to your liking, you are gradually strengthening your ability to be courageous. (Often you are simply one small adjustment away from what it is you desire - read more about this here.)

"Life begins at the end of our comfort zone."

5. Practice Standing up for What you Believe is Right/Just/etc If your desire is to be able to have enough strength to stand up to those who are bullying you, don't allow others to be bullied either.  In other words, practice standing up for others who need a helping hand. It is often easier to be courageous when someone else is in need, rather than standing up for ourselves. So by being clear about what you will and won't tolerate, learn how to find the gumption within yourself to have a voice when it is necessary.  This will help you find your voice when you need to stand up for yourself.

6. Be Disciplined. In order to have self-discipline, you must be very clear about what you want, and thus, very clear about what you don't want. As you begin making progress toward what you do desire, you will be less easily swayed to go off course which will make it easier to display self-discipline, allowing you to proceed forward even if no one understands your efforts.

7. Less Analysis, More Action. Similar to slowly making your way into a cold swimming pool inch by inch versus jumping in cannon ball style, the act of just doing it and not over-thinking can actually work in your favor. Why? To begin with, you wouldn't be considering it if it wasn't something you were interested in. Secondly, when we start analyzing, we welcome self-doubt which erodes our self-confidence. Yes, I believe it is a good idea to always try to make the best decision, but once our toes are on the line (which means were quite curious in the first place), it's time to just jump in. For example, it has been a dream of mine to attend New York Fashion Week. After two years of blogging, I finally have purchased the tickets, reserved the hotel room and am eagerly waiting for September to arrive. Do I know exactly how it will work when I get there? No. But I'm betting on myself that I will figure it out as I go, and whatever doesn't work out, will be chalked up to a lesson learned when I return the next time.

8. Trust Yourself. With each year of life experience, as you pour over what you enjoy versus what makes you cringe, what makes your heart sing versus what tears at your heartstrings, you hone your instincts. You begin to realize what is worth taking a risk for - love, a particular career, justice, etc. And when you know what is important to you, you begin to realize that you must choose what you care most about over the fear that stands in the way.

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.”  ― Meg Cabot

As you begin to live more courageously in your life, know that your actions speak volumes. Without question, you are daring to say the life I wish to live is worth the effort.  The life I know is possible won't be easy initially to achieve, but I am willing to fight for it. You are saying, "A good life may be nice, but I know a great life is possible." With each action of courage - standing up for what you value, speaking out for those who don't have a voice, taking action when too many people are afraid to step in and help, you are not only creating a better life for yourself and those you love, but others you may not even know about.