The Gift of Starting Over

"That's exactly where you want to be: steeped to your eyebrows in failure. It's a good place to be because failure is where success likes to hide in plain sight. Everything you want out of life is in . . . failure. The trick is to get the good stuff out." - Scott Adams, creator of Dilbert

A fresh start. A clean slate. A second chance. 

Perhaps a relationship has ended, or you have relocated to a new city. Or maybe, you are starting a new job, redecorating a room in your home, reorganizing your files or simply pressing the reset button on any aspect of your life that hasn't been working or didn't work out as you had hoped. 

While beginning from scratch can feel as though you are a novice again, in reality, you are more of an expert than you realize, should you choose to use your powers. 

When you begin again you bring with you the wisdom of what did and did not work, the insight of knowing how something will turn out in particular circumstances and the ability to not waste precious time and energy doing something that won't provide the results you seek. 

Cartoonist Scott Adams reiterates in his article in the WSJ that failure is a tool, not an outcome. So indeed, there is a grand gift in starting over. 

How to Start Over Successfully

1. Take Time to Assess

Take the time before moving forward yet again to assess in detail what went well, what didn't work and why. Write your insights down so that during times of frustration in any new endeavors, you can remind yourself how to overcome the roadblocks that stood in your way the last time. Even a simple change such as switching from a PC to a Mac, begin with assessment to ensure a successful path forward. Write down what went wrong that impeded your ability to work efficiently on your computer. What do you want to make sure your new computer is capable of doing? 

2. Be Clear 

As you begin again, be clear about what your expectations are. For example, using the computer analogy, "I need a computer that functions properly without wasting my time".  Then, be willing to be flexible about how you get there.  Maybe the computer won't be the size you want because of your budget, but it still offers what you need for productivity. Or maybe you will have to leave the PC world and move to a Mac, or remain with Mac despite your expectations. The key is to know what you need, versus what you want. Knowing the difference will reduce unnecessary headaches and help you achieve your goals at a faster pace. Read this post for inspiration. 

3. Have Patience

Simply because you've learned some valuable lessons, does not mean the new journey you commence will be free of frustrations. For example, even if the new job is one that you've worked towards for years, there will still be a learning curve in understanding the new work environment. Have patience with yourself and don't throw in the towel too quickly. I have come to define such initial headaches as checkpoints assessing whether or not we are willing to be where we've so longed to be. Trust me, just like learning the new operating system of a new high performing computer, it will be worth it when you know how everything works. 

4. Remember the Paradox "Great reward, involves great risk." or "In order to earn money, you have to spend money."

Both of these maxims are indeed true. In order to change our circumstances, we must venture into the unknown in order to live a different life from what we know today. And when we have the opportunity to start over, it means we are essentially taking a life test - did we learn the lessons offered in order to turn the next opportunity into what it is we seek?

5. Keep Your Courage

The moments of doubt are greatest when we make the initial leap of change - when we do something different from what we've done in the past - putting the down payment on your first home, saying "I do", or taking a loan out for your own business.  It is in such moments that you must hang on to the courage it took you to make the initial mistake that provided the lesson. That courage is always there waiting to be tapped, and each time to learn the lesson and pick yourself up to try it again differently and better than before, your strength of courage increases. 

Having the opportunity to do something again is the opportunity to do it better and to tailor it to exactly as you'd prefer. Not everything in life offers a second chance. After all, we only get to be 18 once, 34 once, 50 once, and so on. But regardless of our age, when we get the chance to improve, don't be discouraged by the mistakes in past relationships, past employment, money management or anything that has tripped you up to dog you. Choose to turn the coal into diamonds and be amazed at what life is wanting to reward you with. 

 

~SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~12 Ways to Learn the Lesson

~Using Failures as Guideposts to Success

~Perfectionist vs. High Achiever - The Difference

 

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Why Not . . . Wear A Pencil Skirt?

While I’m not usually one to latch onto seasonal trends, the revival of the pencil skirt that has continued to walk down the runways during the past few seasons has me smittened.  I guess the bigger question is, “Is it really a trend?” After all, if something is figure flattering, allows you to feel fabulous and can be paired with a limitless list of other items, isn’t it safe to call it a foundational piece of a woman’s wardrobe?

After having completed my spring shopping, I was thrilled to see so many stores carrying pencil skirts. It was only five years ago that they were much more difficult to find, and I must say I am over the moon to see them in so many different fabrics, textures, colors and prints.

Below are a few ways to welcome the pencil skirt (or any skirt) into your weekly fashion regimen.

1. A Piece of Art

If you are already someone who wears skirts, take a bold step and wear a pencil skirt with a beautiful print – for example Lela Rose’s printed cotton-blend skirt – that allows it to become the focal point. Pair with a solid blouse and nude heels and very few accessories will be needed as your skirt will be doing all of the talking.

2. Conservative Yet Chic
When it comes to work, choosing classic colors will always be a safe, but at the same time, stylish choice. Select navy, gray, black or camel and pair with a gorgeous silk blouse, corset belt and at least 2 inch heels (3 inches is my rule), as the pencil skirt helps to elongate the legs and the heels only help.


3. Show Some Curves

Whether you are boyishly thin or born with Christina Hendricks’ curves, pencil skirts should be your skirt of choice. While revealing your natural curves, they also reveal your feminine figure as they highlight a woman’s waist, hips and legs. While I don’t want to live in the Mad Men era 60’s, I certainly do appreciate them reveling in feminine fashions.

4. Pop of Color

Spring is a wonderful time to be a bit bolder when it comes to color choices. With neon and other bright colors adorning this seasons boutiques and department stores, choose something that flatters your skin tone and pair it with a simple blouse that doesn’t create competition. By wearing such loud colors but in a style that is quite classic, you maintain that chic-factor and simply look stylishly confident.


5. A Little Bit Longer

I prefer my pencil skirts just over the knee, for no other reason except it makes me feel more comfortable when I sit down.  Depending upon your height, consider changing up the length. Always keep it appropriate, but know that pencil skirts do not have to hit just above the knee as for so long many of us have been instructed.

6. Stylishly Casual

Just because you aren’t going to the office doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider wearing a pencil skirt. Paired with a simple tee shirt or beautiful cotton tank top, an oversized boyfriend watch or statement necklace, a belt to cinch your waist and tote (oh, and don’t forget the heels), you can quickly create a fun and fashionable ensemble.

7. Exude Confidence

A woman who wears a skirt makes a uniquely different first impression compared to someone who wears trousers or jeans. A woman who wears a skirt (of an appropriate length) conveys an image of owning her femininity, subtly exuding confidence, and speaking volumes of her belief that being a woman and being taken seriously can indeed go hand in hand.


As you can see, there are many different ways to wear a pencil skirt. I don’t know about you, but I’m adding the pencil skirt to my wardrobe essentials list.

A few weeks ago, you may recall I reviewed Jennifer L. Scott’s book Lessons from Madame Chic, and one of the suggestions that I am currently working on incorporating in my life is the 10 piece capsule wardrobe. With that limited number, I know there will be at least two pencil skirts as they can easily be paired with multiple tops, blazers, belts, heels and sweaters. Certainly a simple way to remain chic and mix up your choices.

Whether you begin adding pencil skirts or an alternative cut design to your wardrobe selection, consider all that the skirt can do and revel in owning your femininity, but continuing to adhere to your very own unique signature style at the same time.

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Let Yourself Shine

 

“When I slip into high heels now,

I can feel the transformation. 

I see my outfit go from “blah” to “ ta-da!”

I sense my butt lifting and my hips

slimming.  I can feel the confidence in

my shoulders and the sway in my steps.

I notice the difference in how I’m

perceived . . . [s]he means business.

But in knowing what high heels can do

for me,

I also understand why they can’t.

And the moment I kick them off,

I still feel just as tall.”

-Rachel Rosenblit in Elle US magazine (September 2010) 

While one of Disney’s most treasured films, Cinderella,  is indeed a fairy tale, it reveals a hidden secret about including heels in your wardrobe – wearing them really can change your life, if nothing else, the silhouette of a woman’s figure is slimmed in a very generous manner. While wearing them may not lead you to your prince, they do allow the strong confident woman that you are to be shared with the world without saying a word.

Rachel Rosenblit’s article “Short Story” shares some very valid points that I found myself being  in agreement with.  For many of you, her story of how she came to include wearing heels in her life will be a familiar one.

My story begins with a dress-up box full of  the silk and sequin gowns, strappy heels and pumps my mother had reserved for my playtime. Wearing them made me feel like what I thought a woman should feel (and still do) – glamorous, special, beautiful. Granted they didn’t fit me – I was swimming in them actually, but oh, how much fun I had. Then came high school and buying any shoe with a heel was special. Learning to walk in them was entertaining and even though it made me tower over most of the boys, I didn’t seem to mind. After all, I felt a bit more grown up.  Next was college. With what money I had, I was over the moon when I could afford a creative, fun strappy heel even if everyone else was wearing flats. A sense of added maturity was in each pair I wore, and I was all about being my own person, soon to have her first real job and an actual paycheck to live on.

A luxury in wearing heels is, for all practical purposes, that they truly add the extra pop that every outfit is looking for, your figure is elongated, your legs magically lengthen and your butt perks up, but the intrinsic value is that your confidence is allowed to shine even brighter. However, the simple wearing of heels can’t create something that isn’t already there, yet it can magnify the beauty that already exists.

Now, I accept that many woman are in jobs where wearing heels may not be plausible, but consider the option when going out on the town, enjoying a drink with a friend or attending your next social function. You might just be surprised at the attention and the breath-taking beauty that looks back at you in the mirror. Because you are beautiful, all woman are beautiful, we just need to remember to view ourselves that way and then others will believe it as well.

Now when I wear heels I wear them because I’m proud and thankful to be woman. A woman who is confident enough to know that I can afford my heels, but also a woman who knows she can wear her heels or her flats and still exude a quiet self-confidence that no one can take away.

Have a lovely and magically Monday whether you are still enjoying your weekend or beginning your work week. If you would like to share your story of how you came to include heels into your life, I would love to hear. Bonjour my friends.

 

Images: (1) Such a Grand Lifestyle (2) Diamonds in her Veins (3) la bella vita (4) Diamonds in Her Veins (5) Autumn Times (6) New York Magazine  (7) We Heart It

Why Not . . . Have Effortless Style?

Kate Moss, Lauren Hutton, Alexa Chung, that woman you saw at the cafe on your trip to Paris – they all seem to have pulled together their look without batting an eye. As though it was done by instinct. How does one achieve this appearance of effortless style? While in many of the instances involving magazines, a stylist is to thank, but you’ve seen them just as I have when you’re out shopping, dining, vacationing – women who look spectacular in for the most part classic styles, yet have pulled them together in a way that exhibits their own unique beauty.

Jennifer Alfano’s article “Secrets of Effortless Style” in this September’s issue of Harper’s Bazaar US (page 287) began to turn over in my mind again and again. Just what are the components, the skills, a woman must possess to appear fabulous, yet seemingly blasé? Here’s what I discovered.

Buy What You Love

As the fall fashions are being displayed in all of the stores and boutiques, it is imperative that a woman understand that fashion cannot fill a void. Putting together a wardrobe of depth takes a passion that only you can truly find within yourself.  If you’ve had a terrible day at work and feel that going on a shopping binge will make you feel better, if only for a moment, you really aren’t doing yourself any favors. In this instance, you are allowing shopping to suppress your feelings of frustration at work.  When you go shopping, make sure you are doing it with the sole intention of loving the process.  Don’t allow it to become stressful or emotional because that is when you will make decisions you will regret.

Know Your Body

Each season trends emerge, but a woman who is able to see through the trends and instead see what will work in her wardrobe for the long term is heads and tails above the majority of the shopping population.  If you have a curvy figure, you recognize immediately that a full  feminine skirt won’t show off the true beauty of your body like a sheath dress would.  Every woman has their assets that they need to focus on.  Make sure the purchases you make reflect your best physique.

Classy over Trendy

Speaking of trends, think of them as you would a simple summer t-shirt. Most likely it will only last one season and while it will make a statement immediately, it will date you the next year, so don’t spend too much money on the creative trends that are perpetually changing and instead invest in classics that you are in need of to add depth to your wardrobe.

Invest

As long as you have the funds to support this decision, a purchase of quality is always the best idea if you are certain that you will wear it again and again.  I always look at it this way (keeping in mind my finances), if for example a Diane von Furstenberg wrap dress I’ve had my eye on is $400, but I know I’ll be able to wear it four to six times a year, the price in my mind automatically drops.  Cost per wear.  If in the dress’s lifetime I wear it ten times, it is a $100 dress. What a deal!  And most likely, I’ll wear it much more than that which makes it a steal. Quality items are worth the investment because they do stand the test of time and continue to look fabulous.

Can’t Stop Thinking About

The best test that has no scientific proof to back it up what-so-ever is the last one I’m going to mention today.  If 24-hours after you’ve tried on a piece of clothing you are still thinking, dreaming, and imagining yourself wearing it to certain events, go back and get it.  It brings us back to the first point, you really need to love what you are wearing. Trust yourself on this one.

Ultimately, if you put all of these steps together, your increased confidence in how you look is the direct effect and when you feel confident, it shows.  Confidence cannot be faked, well, at least not very well.  But I think that is why those women we so admire with the camel coats, suede booties, boyfriend watch, ankle pants and classic clutch are so mesmerizing, they make it look easy.  And the reason it appears this way is because once they’ve decided what they’re going to wear, they know they look great because of how they shop and approach the idea of style. Because once the outfit is on, you should be able to relax and do whatever your day demands of you without having to worry about your outfit.

So here is to being that woman that you once only admired.  Before you know it (and for many of you, you have already reached this success), I have a very good feeling that people will be impressed with your effortless style.  Have a wonderful Wednesday.

*Why Not . . . Exude Confidence?

Images: (1) ArtNet (2) Easy Fashion (3) Source  (4) Source (5) Easy Fashion

Why Not . . . Exude Confidence?

Repeatedly, the confidence one possesses of themselves is noted as being one of the most attractive qualities one can acquire.  Whether it comes to attracting and holding someone’s attention in your love life, or convincing your future boss that you indeed are the one they should hire. How, you might be asking, do I achieve a healthy self-confidence? 

Before diving into the five tips, keep in mind that everyone, even those models walking the catwalk, have insecurities, but the difference rests in how you deal with them.  Here we go:

 

1. Know Your Style

 

The top stylists today will be quick to tell you everyone has their strengths and weaknesses when it comes to their physical appearance.  The key is to understand what yours are and accentuate your assets and disguise the perceived flaws.  Beautiful eyes? Draw attention to them by skillfully applying the right colors to make them pop.  Long neck? Pull your hair back more often and expose it by wearing boat neck or cowl neck tops. Tiny waist? Belts, belts, and more belts.  And with regards to the disguising piece, be sure to only disguise and not detract.  A-line dresses are a perfect way to elongate the torso and create an idea of a slimmer you.  Study up on what works for you, and you will be walking in every door with your head held high.

 

2. Get To Know Yourself

Easier said than done, however, if you start at the beginning with those hobbies, events or ideas that always get your heart pumping and your soul singing, you’re off to a great start.  When you begin to spend your time doing those things you love, so much so that time just ticks away without your knowing, you will be filled up.  That emptiness, that void, that for some reason made you feel inadequate when you walked in the door at a party because there was no fire inside of you, that will be filled when you are spending your time on projects, events, people, and jobs you love.  The process of figuring yourself out comes with endless experimentation.  Do not be afraid to make a mistake, welcome it, because often on the other side, is the answer as to whether or not you’re heading in the right direction.

 

3. Face Your Fears

Fear is often a disguise, a facade of what you really wish to attain/conquer/succeed at.  If you keep that understanding of why fear is present in your life, then accept the truth when it comes to conquering your fear.  When you stare fear down and supersede its power, you then gain that power which comes in the form of confidence.  Whenever you are at a point where you are doubting yourself, look back and remember your successes.  You have more successes than you probably realize and don’t discredit any of them.  You earned them.  Use them now to propel you past your current fears. (To read a more of my thoughts about what your fear is really saying, click here.)

4. Take Care of Yourself

It is so important to validate yourself from time to time.  By allowing yourself to be treated, pampered, spoiled if you will, you are accepting yourself.  Stop berating yourself for what you didn’t do, stop criticizing yourself for the mistake you made at the office and let it go.  Vow to do better tomorrow.  Keep in mind what a coach might say to a player who is hanging his head after pitching a fantastic game, only to have the last batter of the evening hit a homerun off of him to win the game, “Did you do your best?” There is only so much you can control in a day, and as long as you are striving to do your best, you should be patting yourself on the back, not kicking yourself in the behind.

 

5. Fake It

Put your poker face on if you have one and if you don’t, learn to display one, because in all honesty, you tell people what to think about you each and every day.  If someone were to meet you for the first time and you shared with them all of your flaws, that’s what they would remember.  The reverse is true as well.  Now I’m not saying to go on a rampage bragging about yourself, but don’t put yourself down.  If you are asked a question about yourself, talk yourself up – focus on what you’re proud of.  No one needs to know that you’re self-conscious about your boss’s opinion of you or the doubts you have about the upcoming potential to be promoted.  If you believe in yourself, others are more likely to do so as well. 

I know there are so many of you, my readers, who have an impressive self-confidence, and in knowing this, I would love it if you would share how you overcame your fears and/or insecurities and came out stronger on the other side. Please do share.

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