The Difference Between Being Scared & Having Doubts

“New things are scary. Anything worth having is scary.” 

– Shonda Rhimes script on the series finale of Private Practice

Many people ask me where I find inspiration for each week’s posts, and while I can honestly say I find inspiration everywhere, what inspired today’s post were two different items I read – one an article and one a book – over the past week and weekend.

While reading Hope Alcocer’s contributing blog post to Verily regarding red flags when it comes to relationships, I was reminded of doubt, and how instinctually, when I have doubts, it is my subconscious pointing out something that I haven’t fully grasped but am being heeded to take time to investigate. In complete contrast, while reading Barbara Stanny’s book Secrets of Six-Figure Women, I was reassured that having fears is natural if what we are seeking is something we genuinely want – a life change, a new job, etc.

There is significant evidence to support the claim that having doubts about something is much different than being scared or having fear about something. Simply, doubt is a red-flag that has been honed through your life’s experience and fear is a natural uncertainty based not on experience but perhaps the voices of others, society, etc, but not the doubt you have regarding your own abilities.

“Fear is the main source of superstition, and one of the main sources of cruelty. To conquer fear is the beginning of wisdom.”
-Bertrand Russell

In fact, when you are fearful or scared it is because you actually have no evidence that you can or can’t do it, which is all the more reason to try. It is natural to feel apprehension as you have no proof that you will succeed, but the good news is, you have no proof that you won’t either. If indeed we desire to take that leap of faith and work toward a dream that others may not grasp yet or pursue a life change that breaks the mold, we are fearful partially because we are excited about the change it will bring, and fearful that we won’t be able to make it happen. In this case, so long as you believe more resolutely that you can rather than you can’t, you will be successful.

“’How does one become a butterfly?’ she asked pensively, ‘You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar.’” –Trina Paulus

On the other hand, having doubts involves previous experience, knowledge of similar behavior and an ability to know more about a situation than others either want you to know or don’t even understand themselves. For example, in a previous relationship that I eventually ended, I began seeing red flags (or having doubts) five months prior to the relationship ending; however, I didn’t want to accept what I knew instinctually to be true, so I kept working at the relationships. It wasn’t until I saw evidence of my doubts realized that I recognized my instincts were correct, and I thankfully chose to follow what I had subconsciously been aware of all along. Much later, other further evidence reassured me that I had made the correct decision. The good news about doubts is that they are our constant warriors of protection, and it is our job to investigate what they are trying to tell us.

The key to discerning the difference between whether you are feeling doubt or fear is to know yourself fully. Only you can honestly say why you are feeling what you’re feeling. Only you can say, I want it so bad that if I don’t achieve it, I will ache incessantly. Only you can say, I don’t trust what is promised. There is a great difference between these two statements. Know yourself, and you will know how to proceed.

SIMILAR POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES YOU MIGHT ENJOY:

~Your Fear is Speaking

~Why Not . . . Get to Know Yourself?

~Dealing with the Unknowns in Life

Image: (1)  source

Your Fear is Speaking

  

“Someone once told me not to be afraid of

being afraid, because, she said,

‘Anxiety is a glimpse of your own daring.’

Isn’t that great? It means part of your

agitation is just excitement about what

you’re getting ready to accomplish. 

And whatever you’re afraid of – that is

the very thing you should try to do.”

-Maria Shriver from And One More Thing Before You Go . . .

I would like to begin today’s post by asking a question.  In your wildest dreams, what would your ideal life look like?  Where would you be living, what would you be doing, who would be surrounding you – what would it look like?  

My next question is what is keeping you from pursuing these dreams you just mentioned? 

I’ve recently come to a decision about a dream I have been harboring for a long time in my life, and I had to ask myself that very question, what is keeping me from pursuing my dream?  Honestly? If I’m being completely honest, fear. Fear. Fear of falling on my face.  Fear of it not being a possibility that is tangible even though if I don’t try I will kick myself forever.

So my question to you again is, what is holding you back?  The quote that I chose this week is the ideal statement to remind yourself that if you aren’t fearful, even just a little bit, it isn’t something you’re passionate about.  Now there’s a big difference between fear for your life and fear of failing, please know I am focusing solely on the human need to succeed and being fearful of failing.

So what is it that would make your heart sing, that would allow you to feel you’ve reached your full potential, or that would make you feel you are setting a good example?  Going back to school, changing careers, trying a new hobby, talking to that certain someone, getting in better shape, or maybe doing some traveling?  Whatever it is, you wouldn’t fear accomplishing it if you didn’t truly want it with your whole heart.

So what are you waiting for?  We all only have one life, and I don’t know one person who can change the past, but the future . . . the future is still up in the air.  Create the life you’ve dreamed.  Have patience, because anything worth having takes time, but rest assured you will be successful, just keep striding forward.