An Article to Read: No. 2

In The Atlantic’s July/August 2013 issue, professor psychology at San Diego State University Jean M. Twenge’s article “How Long Can You wait to Have Baby?” is well worth reading. Whether you have children, long for children, are wondering if you want children or are certain you would prefer to be an aunt, she dispels many popular accepted statistics regarding the fear mongering circulating around a woman’s biological clock.

Drawn from her successful book An Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant which was released last year, she draws on current research, debunks research that interestingly enough is based on findings from the 16th through the 19th century, not contemporary findings, and offers breathing room to women who do indeed want to have a career and a family by helping to assuage the fear, increase one’s knowledge and serve as a reminder that women need not fall prey to unfounded societal beliefs.

As someone who has never desired to be a mother, but would lay down my life for my niece, nephew and students, I admire deeply mothers and fathers who are devoted to raising children who are loved, responsible and full of possibility.  While reading the article, I found myself intrigued and reassured by Twenge’s contribution to eradicate the fallacies that many people toss around lightly about a very ponderous decision in any person’s life.

I’d be curious to know your thoughts after taking the time to read the article.

Image: The Atlantic

How to Be Brave

“The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls.”

― Elizabeth Cady Stanton (an American social activist and leading figure of the early woman's movement)

Elizabeth Cady Stanton was part of the first wave of the women’s right movement which began during the nineteenth century in the United States. Working with Susan B. Anthony, Stanton not only fought for women’s enfranchisement, but for women’s custody, parental and property rights, employment and income rights, divorce rights and birth control. The most historically remembered document she wrote and first shared at the Women’s Rights Convention in Seneca Falls in 1848, The Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions purposefully paralleled Thomas Jefferson’s Declaration of Independence to bear reflection that the demands of equality and independence of women were no different from Americas demands to be free from King George III.

Had she and so many other women chosen not to stand up for what they knew to be their rights, not privileges, the women’s movement would look drastically different. And it is in decisions such as these that bravery is exhibited. Bravery does not occur when times are easy, when everything is going smoothly, but instead when justice has been denied, when a lie has been perpetuated and considered fact, or when the life we wish to live has crashed down around our ankles. It is in such disheartening, sickening, heart-wrenching moments that our true character is revealed. The easy decision in the moment is the choice of cowards – to turn and run. The difficult, yet the right decision, is to stand up, speak up and take action.

So if you are someone who is willing to make the difficult decision, and ultimately the decision that will contribute positively to the world and community you live in and wish to create for yourself, here are eight tips on how to be brave.

1. Realize that without fear, courage and bravery wouldn’t exist.  As the definition of being brave states, “ready to face and endure danger or pain”, unless we feel we are going to lose someone/something we care about or become injured either emotionally or physically, we will never get the opportunity to be brave.

2. Understand your fears, confront them, don’t run from them. Believe it or not, your fears are actually your guideposts. As human beings, we are able to sense fear so that we may be better able to protect ourselves and not be caught off-guard. Often the media and the culture we live in prey upon this natural instinct, so for some, our fear detector needs to be recalibrated. But once we’re able to discern between which fears are worthy of our time, we then need to dive deep into them instead of running from them. What are they trying to tell you? Often our fears are instincts telling us who someone truly is rather than who they show themselves to be, and even better, our fears are also trying to direct us to where we want to go. You see, if we want something, we fear not being able to attain it because of the uncertainty, but if we look at it as a grand picture, the only direction to move in is towards what we wish to attain. In other words, our fears are our compass. Running from them is certain to cause them to keep following us until we finally face them head on.

3. Seek out a role model that can help give you direction. Whatever you might be afraid of – not being able to discover your passion, not attaining the job you have worked so long for, not being able to [insert your desire here], seek out someone who has achieved what you wish to in a way that inspires you and you wish to model.

4. Strengthen your “change” muscle. Change can be scary, and it can be even scarier if we never allow it to be part of our everyday lives. While adhering to a routine is a good idea, adding doses of new experiences to our daily routines is a wonderful way to exercise our ability to handle new experiences. For example, be willing to try new cuisine whenever you have the opportunity, be willing to strike up a conversation with a stranger while waiting for the train/subway/bus/etc, be willing to put yourself in new situations (in small doses or shorts amount of time) to learn how to respond to unknown stimuli. By exercising your “change” muscle not only will you broaden your perspectives and knowledge base, but you will also be far less likely to be shocked and frozen when change is expected of you.

5. Rise above the judgments and opinions of others. There are so many things in this world we have no control over, but there are so many other things we do that we often forget about them and let them slip through our fingers. While we may not be able to alter someone’s opinion of us or our actions, we can choose to let their judgments bounce off us and be a reflection of who they are, not allowing ourselves to be swayed unnecessarily.

6. Master your mind. Do the hard work of getting to know yourself. Come to understand what makes you tick, what makes you smile, what stresses you out and why, so that when frightening situations occur you know how to best respond according to your knowledge of your strongest capabilities.

7. Educate yourself. Refuse to be ignorant. Often it is ignorance that cultivates and fans the flames of fear. When we don’t know, the unknown can be frightening, but once we understand how something works – global warming, health conditions, government, taxes, how to get a job, how to buy a house, etc. – we eliminate the unknown and then are better able to tackle the problem with a common sense solution.

8. Don’t put the cart before the horse. As Mark Twain reminds us, "I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened."

“Don't be afraid of your fears. They're not there to scare you. They're there to let you know that something is worth it.” ― C. JoyBell C.

~Similar Posts You May Also Be Interested In:

*Your Fear is Speaking

*Remember to Spread Your Wings

*Dealing with the Unknowns of Life

Image: pinterest

An Article to Read . . . from The Atlantic

There are very few instances when the new issue of magazines I subscribe to prompt me to upon taking it out of my mailbox, immediately read the cover article beginning to end without interruption. The cover story on The Atlantic’s July issue was one of the rare instances when I was curious, anxious and petrified all at the same moment, enough so that I promptly sat down in my yard to read what Anne-Marie Slaughter had to say in her article “Why Women Still Can’t Have it All”. 

I have been told by well-meaning friends that you can have it all, just not all at once, and while this is empowering advice, Slaughter promptly dismisses it, I believe correctly so, because it fails to address the larger issue – why is it not possible for us to have it all – period? In other words, with more women in the workforce and being educated and talented enough more than ever before, why haven’t the systems changed to allow these well-deserving women the opportunity to keep their hard-fought jobs, as well as raise their children? 

While initially the title may seem to lead you to believe that women are doomed in this pursuit, it is in fact, a call to all women and men to look at our work systems and adjust them so that all workers are able to do their jobs to the best of their ability and be the quality parents each child so desperately needs.

Within the article, Sheryl Sandberg’s (Facebook COO) TED speech is alluded to where she urges women to “not leave before you leave”. In other words, so many women assume that they must step back from performing wholeheartedly at work because they know or want to begin a family, but why should they have to do this? Again, women are doing themselves a disservice by accepting the status-quo of the traditional work day.

Already, Slaughter’s article that was just posted last week has received 800,000 views, Sandberg’s eighteen minute speech has been viewed by nearly 1.5 million people. This is an issue that clearly has the interest of the populous. Instead of giving women who choose their children and step back from work a hard time, or visa versa, nag women who don’t have children because they love their careers, let’s all support each other and work together to create an environment where women can have it all. There is great power in numbers if only we work to support rather than belittle each other for very tough decisions.

I strongly recommend carving thirty minutes out of your day to read the article and eighteen minutes out of your computer time one evening to listen to Sheryl’s speech. I would love to hear your thoughts upon absorbing each of their words.

Pursuing Our Passion

A couple of months ago I got my hands on Mireille Giliano’s most recent book, Women, Work & the Art of Savoir Faire, the third book by the now famous best-selling author of French Women Don’t Get Fat.

I quickly read through it and found a lot of reassurance, advice, insight and information that I think anyone at any stage of their career might benefit from.  Whether it be the college graduate just starting out in search of their first job in their field, or someone who has put a handful of years into their job and now is looking to move up the ladder, or even someone who is looking to their next stage in life after retirement; there is something for everyone.

 
Giliano’s style of incorporating her    advice in reflections of her own experience is something that I enjoy, but if this isn’t you’re style, it may slow you up a bit.  I would suggest patience though, because there are some gems in this book.  Below are a few that I found:

    (Mireille has a superb website)

“With talent, hard work and being in the right place, you can help make your own luck.”

“Networking and patience”

“Don’t let fear be a barrier to you achieving your ambitions.”

“Too often we become paralyzed by worry over the worst things that can happen.  We lack confidence and security, panic over financial risk, get locked into careers and lifestyles that are not what we dreamed for ourselves or can achieve . . . our passions get displaced and we become sad and even depressed.  All because we were afraid to take a risk at a moment of opportunity.”

“Men of genius possess common traits: hard work, stick-to-itiveness when faced with tough challenges and seeming failure, some good, shrewd people skills, and lucky breaks.”
 
“Always be open and prepared to seize opportunities for business and life, and always work harder and smarter than the next guy.”

“You even look better when you are full of passion for what you are doing.”